I went with my friend Dan to a “Conscious Fathering” class in the University district a couple of weeks ago. Most of it was about what to expect—how to change a diaper, how to pick up a newborn, etc.

In the beginning, though, the teacher urged us to consider, after the class, what fatherhood means for each of us. “Write it down,” he said. So here I am, and here’s my list:

• Change. I’ve been a childless adult for so long, that I expect it will be a drastic difference in my life. That used to frighten me, but now what frightens me is not changing. I feel like I can’t become who I’m meant to be without becoming a dad.
• Family. I’ve realized over the years that family is important to me and I’m way behind in having one of my own. Since my parents have died, I feel like a have much fewer family connections than I want.
• Connection. All humans thrive on connections to other humans, but to my child, my son or daughter, that will be a primary connection. I want more connections in my life, not just to my child but to his or her birth family as well.
• Teaching. I get choked up about this part, thinking about the how I’ll get to be a witness to their learning of the world.
• Accountability. I’m going to be responsible for this child, at least until they’re an adult. I will have to answer for anything I do, any decision I make that impacts them.
• Care. There’s going to be a lot of work raising a child. I am ready for that. It won’t always be fun, but it will always be an expression of my love for the child.
• Fun. I think there are going to be great moments of fun with our child. I look forward to playing, joking, going places and learning things with him or her.
• Love. My friend Jason told me that fatherhood gave him a new experience of love unlike any other he had ever had. I want to know what it is to love and be loved by my own son or daughter.