Poor Yorick's Almanack

The Ongoing Escapades of Poor Yorick's Almanack

Sun, 25 Oct 2026 07:34:57 -0700

I’m back in the saddle again.

Yes readers, I broke into the castle, stole the sacred manuscript, and escaped the country with its contents.

Actually, it was the technical equivalent of breaking open a firebox without a key. I wish it were more like Daniel Elsberg sneaking the Pentagon Papers into publication, but the point is that I had lost access to the blog some number of years ago, and so it’s been in an archive state waiting for me to spend a weekend extracting the content and migrating it to a new site.

“Bleeding badly from a face-lift” would make a good first line of a country song, so here goes

Fri, 30 Jun 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Bleeding badly from a face-lift
And sitting drunk behind the wheel
I light another cig-a-rette
And imagine how you’d feel

If I had left you broke and lonely
And desperately wanting me
Never knowing where I went to
And always feeling lost at sea

Bleeding badly from a face-lift
I think back now on all the years
That we spent to-ge-ther
While I wince away the tears

Internet Terms of Use

Thu, 01 Jun 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Internet Terms of Use By accessing the global, shared, public, standardized network of computers (from now on the Internet), you agree to the following: - The Internet is a risky and/or dangerous place. Enter at your own risk - Parents have the right and responsibility to restrict it from their kids - People on the Internet very often behave callously, lewdly, sarcastically, critically, and bombastically. - You may be offended. - The use of “all caps” is prohibited - We all own the Internet. Not a few media companies. Not the U.S. Government. Every citizen of the world, even if they haven’t experienced it yet. - Its owners are committed to keeping it free and, when possible, expanding its freedom.

The order of things

Fri, 04 Dec 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Universe is 14 billion years old (4.3×10^17 seconds)

Sun is 4.57 billion years old
Earth is 4.54 billion years old
Life is 3.8 billion years old
Mammals are 225 million years old
Humans are 200,000 years old
Religion is 102,000 years old
Cities are 5,000 years old
China is 4,085 years old
Judaism is 3,828 years old
Hinduism is 3,100 years old
Rome is 2,768 years old
Democracy is 2,525 years old
Christianity is 1,985 years old
London is 1,973 years old
Islam is 1,450 years old
Gun powder is 972 years old
The telescope is 408 years old
New York is 351 years old
America is 240 years old
The locomotive is 204 years old
The repeating rifle 167 years old "
“On the Origin of Species” is 156 years old
Dynamite is 148 years old
Radio is 120 years old
Nuclear weapons are 70 years old
The worldwide web is 24 years old

Hi, oh, sorry, the door was open

Tue, 21 Jul 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Hi, oh, sorry, the door was open… So I just… Didn’t mean to intrude.

The sign? No! The signs? What signs? Oh, yes. I see them. I see them now.

Well, anyway, sorry. I’m truly sorry. It’s just that I saw the door was open and I wondered if I could have just a moment of your time.

Aldus Huxley on the origins of misery

Sat, 23 May 2015 00:00:00 +0000

“At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religous or political ideas.”

Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity

Sat, 16 May 2015 00:00:00 +0000

“Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.” –Herman Melville

What I've learned from grief

Wed, 13 May 2015 00:00:00 +0000

You don’t have to feel any way other than how you’re feeling

I’ve met a few people in their early grief who worry about feeling numb about their loss. It makes them worry that there’s something wrong with them, that they’re cold or callous. Others worry because they can’t stop crying. One father who lost a son confided in me that he felt like it was his role to be sad all of the time.

Song of the Day: “I Wish I Knew” performed by John Coltrane

Wed, 18 Feb 2015 00:00:00 +0000

There are sad songs. There are beautiful songs. Then there are songs whose beauty and sadness are intertwined and inseparable, like this one.

There’s a quickly paced piano intro, played in a minor key, before the main body of the song starts with Coltrane’s plaintive alto sax.

I hear those lines and they describe to me all of the loss in the world – not an individual loss, but a collective one. It’s a sadness large enough to absorb any I might be feeling in the moment without a flinch. The notes are weary and wise, and that is the source of their beauty.

Come with the Dust, Gone with the Wind

Sun, 19 Oct 2014 00:00:00 +0000

For some reason this morning, Bob Dylan’s “Song to Woody” (YouTube link has an unrelated Woodie Guthrie performance at the beginning) is stuck in my head. Particularly, this verse, which just strikes me as beautiful:

Here’s to Cisco an’ Sonny an’ Leadbelly too
An’ to all the good people that traveled with you
Here’s to the hearts and the hands of the men
That come with the dust and are gone with the wind

“Song to Woody” ©1962 Bob Dylan

What if someone found a way to get rich running for president?

Fri, 09 May 2014 00:00:00 +0000

Someone has. Her name is Sarah Palin. She is on a perpetual campaign for an office she will never hold. More than that, it’s an office she would never want to hold.

It’s a surprising idea, just as flying planes into the World Trade Center was a surprising idea. It’s so simple and obvious that only simple decency prevented people from thinking of it years earlier.

What three things can I do today?

Tue, 22 Apr 2014 00:00:00 +0000

I just read an headline called: what are the three things you want to accomplish today.

That’s the productivity philosophy I strive for. My philosophy used to be ‘get everything down and do as much of it as you can.’ That’s still appropriate in some ways. But it’s not realistic most of the time.

Song of the Day: “Heavy Metal Drummer” by Wilco

Fri, 10 Jan 2014 00:00:00 +0000

Something playful is going on here.

On the surface, it’s a song about someone feeling nostalgia for a time in his youth:

I sincerely miss
Those heavy metal bands
We used to go see
On the landing in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
She fell in love with another…
She fell in love…
I miss the innocence I’ve known,
Playing Kiss covers, beautiful and stoned.

Song of the Day: “Young at Heart” by Cleo Laine

Thu, 02 Jan 2014 00:00:00 +0000

You’re no doubt more familiar with the Frank Sinatra version, which is not one of his best. He sings it like he’s addressing a room of elderly parents. It’s not his fault. The song has built-in nostalgia.

Cleo Laine’s version, though, takes it even further. It starts with an eery harp and string arrangement that recalls a stock dream sequence from some ’40s melodrama.

Open Letter to the President Regarding Manning and Snowden

Mon, 09 Sep 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Dear President Obama,

I write to you as a citizen of the United States of America to ask you to pardon Chelsea (nee Bradley) Manning and Edward Snowden for their actions connected to the release of classified documents to the public.

Manning was sentenced recently to 30 years in prison. If Snowden were within the reach of U.S. law, I’m sure he would likely get a similar punishment.

For the Love of Gun

Sun, 14 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I woke up this morning to hear the verdict in the George Zimmerman trial: not guilty. I’m dismayed by this news. The broad facts of the incident that killed Trayvon Martin are these:

Martin was unarmed, walking back to a house where he was a guest
Zimmerman, an armed resident paroling the neighborhood in no official capacity, suspected Martin for being a burglar and started following him.
Police dispatch told Zimmerman to not follow Martin, but he did anyway
A struggle ensued between the two
Zimmerman used his gun to kill Martin.

What’s most disturbing is that Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law permits this to happen. It allows people to use deadly force if they feel their life is in danger.

Those locations to which you can never return

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

There are parts of my brain that I can’t access without a trigger. That’s just a neutral fact. It’s neither good nor bad. It just is.

I was on Facebook just now, and there was a discussion about all the businesses we missed near where I grew up. Retail was such a part of my life there—and it was such a fleeting part—that one failed business that lasted for less than a few years becomes a touchstone for a certain time and place. It connects me to a map that exists in my head that I don’t have everyday access to.

Tax Bikes for Highways? Tax Shoes.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

An open letter to Representatives Sherry Appleton and Drew Hansen and Senator Christine Rolfes:

I am your constituent and bicycling is very important to me. The proposed tax on bicycles to fund the transportation bill is counter productive for a number of reasons. Despite what Representative Ed Orcutt from the 20th Legislative District believes, bicycling does not add more CO2 to our atmosphere than driving.

Besides, when a government taxes something specifically—like bicycle purchases—it is best done when that something is a net negative for the public as a whole, like drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes OR DRIVING A CAR.

Even worse—this 5% tax on a $500 bicycle is proportionately much higher than the 0.7% excise tax on new cars. And this tax will do nothing to improve the municipal streets most of us ride our bikes on. Taxing bikes to pay for highways? Might as well tax shoes, too.

You know this is unfair. You know that bicycling reduces traffic and wear on our roads. You know that bicycling lowers our shared health costs. Help educate your ignorant colleagues in Olympia and get this bike tax out of the highway package.

Thanks,

Porter Hall Bainbridge Island

Zombie Show!

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

My wife and I love “The Walking Dead,” but it’s an intense show. So intense that we often have to watch something else before going to bed so that it doesn’t influence our dreams.

We’ve even given the show a nickname, because “The Walking Dead” only underlines these characters’ grim fates. We call it “The Zombie Show.”

Because I Don't Want to Get Sick

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

On the ferry this morning, I sat down at one of the galley tables next to a woman.

I’ve been dealing with allergies, I think, for the last week, which produce a large amount of mucus. During the night, it sinks down into my lungs and in the mornings, I cough it up. Pretty, I know.

Shame is Fame

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Seriously? Lance Armstrong is going to sit down with Oprah Winfrey to confess what everyone already knows, that he took performance-enhancing drugs to win his Tour de France titles. And it’s going to be taped? And people will watch it? Why?

Because Shame is Fame™. What used to be somebody’s downfall can now be their windfall.

Be Unafraid

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

My resolutions for 2013.

Be unafraid: I’m not especially timid, but misplaced fear holds me back more than it should. It probably holds most of us back more than it should. They’re mostly dumb things to be afraid of: having a conversation at a party, trying hard at something and failing. These fears are irrational and run counter to what I really want for myself. If I’m going to look at my life more with love than with fear, I’m going to have to bring these fears to the surface, recognize them and deal with them at the time.
Publish a picture every day: We carry these amazing devices that allow us to share what we’re seeing with anyone in the world. It’s crazy to not use it that way. So far, I’ve kept this up, publishing to my Twitter and/or Instagram pages.
Write every day: I’ve managed to keep this up every day, so far. It’s difficult. I’ve been using 750words.com to manage my writing, and I hope the stuff I’m developing there will become fodder for this blog. Otherwise, it’s just a good way to keep track of my life and to record what I’m doing.
Complete the STP: I want to join the Seattle to Portland group ride this summer, but I’ll need to train for it.
Other habits: these aren’t resolutions, per se, but rather habits that I’m trying to develop for myself.
1. Keep my clothes organized. We just reorganized our closets and now everything is organized. I’d like to keep it that way.
2. Media-Free Friday. I recognize that I use a lot of media in my life, and that it’s probably healthier to live with out it on a regular basis. I want to read, play board games, go for long walks and have conversations.
3. Meatless Monday: There is just too much meat in my diet. I prefer meat over most other foods, and that is not good for me or the planet. I need to participate in this day more regularly.

It Would Have Been Impossible to Kill 20 School Kids With a Musket

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Violently disturbed aberrations existed 200 years ago, too. For what we know, bad people have always existed and will always exist. We can’t do anything about them. No social program, no medical intervention, no entertainment rating system will ever make us completely safe from them.

Though weapons have been around, likewise, for millions of years, the gun is a fairly recent invention. Guns of 200 years ago, like the musket, were single-shot rifles that had to be reloaded after each discharge. Modern automatic weapons provide much more efficient firepower.

What Getting Older Has Felt Like (For Me)

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I’m not old yet. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. Old is some sort of benevolent trap that some of us make it to. I’m not trying to talk about old today, but older. I am older.

What Busy Feels Like

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

For the most part, busy feels great to me. It feels like I am adding value, that what I’m doing is important.

Busy also feels scary. It feels like I’m close to the edge. Deadlines are looming. I could catch the flu or sprain an ankle and I would worry about opportunities missed and people let down.

What Fatherhood Means to Me

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I went with my friend Dan to a “Conscious Fathering” class in the University district a couple of weeks ago. Most of it was about what to expect—how to change a diaper, how to pick up a newborn, etc.

In the beginning, though, the teacher urged us to consider, after the class, what fatherhood means for each of us. “Write it down,” he said. So here I am, and here’s my list:

Player to be Named Later

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

My wife and I have signed up with Open Adoption and Family Services. We’re eagerly anticipating adopting a child.

So, about eagerly: I’m 42 years old. I find myself trying to judge the age of other fathers I see. I find many older fathers out there, but I want to start this part of my life as soon as I can. I’m ready, even though I know I can never be fully prepared for the challenge, frustration, beauty, love or heartache of parenthood, still, I’m ready for it.

Speech to Text

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

This is the first blog post I am writing by to my computer. I am speaking each sentence into the microphone and the computer transcribes what I am saying into text. I am not editing the text by hand, though I think it will be hard not to do so. As you can see, it even is able to capture the punctuation that I tell it.

Habits

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Writing in this blog used to be one of my habits and then it wasn’t. I would like to make it a habit again, so I’m thinking a lot about habits. Good habits, bad habits and the habits we don’t even know are habits.

I bought a coffee and a breakfast burrito in the galley of the M/V Wenatchee Thursday morning and waited behind a guy at the napkin dispenser as he took, one by one, 10 napkins.

Welcome Back to the Almanack

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I’m going to try to give this blog another spin. It’s been a while since I wrote here, and some significant stuff has happened.

I got married to a wonderful woman, Taya Hall
We signed up with an adoption agency

I think another really important thing that happened for me is that I’ve mostly healed from the loss of my wife, Wendy, and my parents. I’ve learned a bit about moving through the grief experience. One thing is that it never totally goes away but, if you are open to it, you can resolve the majority of the pain. I no longer log each day as another without her. I’ve found a way to accept that she’s gone and, from that, peace.

My Next Challenge

Fri, 01 May 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I’m
relieved
that
National Bike Month
is
May
rather
than
January.

The Complex Life

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

My life
grows complex
in small,
simple increments.

Quality Standards

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Never eat at a restaurant that doesn’t have soap in the restroom.

Never drink in a bar that doesn’t have a back door.

Never shop in a grocery store that doesn’t sell produce.

Never sing a song that doesn’t have lyrics.

Never bet against the house.

Never take sides against the family.

Reply All

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The little e-mail meant for human resources was accidentally copied to the entire company.

“This was sent to me in error,” the first respondent said, choosing reply all. “I don’t work in HR.”

“Best of luck with your personal problem,” said the next, choosing reply all, “but this should go to personnel.”

Fragment

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Neural enhancement drugs,
like steroids and plastic surgery,
threaten what we know as normal.

Predominantly white males,
Northeastern Universities,
fraternity members
experimenting

Mt. Rainier

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

No other mountain, I believe,
Has the same astonishing power
To disappear and reappear at will.

The Voice

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

When my wife died, a voice in my head comforted me, saying, “She won’t have to endure what is to come.”

I wonder now if that was a message, or my own crazy response to grief.

The Difficulty of Noticing

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

My poem takes time,
It grows from a moment,
an image,
a phrase.

It drafts and
redrafts on the page.

It grows and is pruned back.

It opens me up and
I so often wish
to remain
closed.

Hey You Know You Guys

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

For the man on the corner

“Hey you know
you guys are
just two paychecks,
maybe three,
away from being
homeless
just like me.”

Facebook Haiku

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The status update
pings a small network of friends
who are all offline.

Tree House Pants

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

When I was cast out, like Satan, from my friend’s tree house,
I announced that I would build my own.

I told my sister.
I told the kids down the street.
I even shouted it over the shopping center.

But, lacking the means (the wood and the nails),
I constructed the platform from salvaged crates
and the walls from my own outgrown pants.

The Photos I Don't Have

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The corner of the school yard
I went to
when I wanted to be alone.

The blacksmith painting
that hung over the couch.

The 4th of July block party,
when everyone was there.

My father,
cigarette smoke in his eyes
and shirt untucked,
working in the garage.

Her eyebrow tilting upward
when she explained.

We Used to Carve Their Names in Stone

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

We used to go to the funeral,
Now we go to the memorial.

We used to lay out the body,
Now we lay out the photos.

We used to proceed to the burial,
Now we scatter the ashes.

We used to carve their names in stone.

Pris-Lit

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Sir Walter Raleigh,
Martin Luther,
John Bunyan,
the Marquis de Sade,
and Adolph Hitler
would have appreciated
college-ruled toilet paper
in more ways than one.

Canine Spring Fever

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

My bitch will hump
My passive male
Whenever I lavish him with attention.

Since she lacks the connective anatomy,
He never seems to mind
That she pumps him furiously from behind,
And digs her dewclaws into his back.

Deep in her mammalian brain,
She thinks she can fuck her way to order.

Bad Concert

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

If it’s too loud, you’re too old. —American Rock ’n’ Roll Proverb

When I saw you
Covering your ears
Through the too-loud concert,
I knew you did it for me.

I was happy to lead you away.

Redacted

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The new — promises to unlock these stubborn —
problems and reunite — with — .

If successful, I won’t want to —
or step into a —
or feel like I’m — or — different people
or — until I’m —,
or want to — — — — —,
or sell my —,
or join the — —,
or —.

The Bikes I've Had

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The Spirit of ‘76:
Stars, stripes, and a banana seat.

The Moto One:
Red and heavy like a BMX battleship.
Not the Mongoose or Red Line I wished for,
But still,
I spent most of a rainy day in the garage
Just to be near it.

The three-speed garage sale cruiser:
I enhanced it with parts as my funds would allow.

Promise Check In

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I promised
to write
30 poems
in
30 days
before
I knew
how hard
it is
to write
30 poems
in
30 days.

The Box

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

In the beginning,
all thinking was out of the box.

That’s why we created the box.

Complete this Sentence

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

To the woman overheard

“Someone dropped
a guitar
on the heater.

When we woke up
this morning,
the green velvet couch”
was sweaty.

Would You Rate the Management

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Would you rate
the management
of this company
as “World Class?”

Extremely likely
Somewhat likely
Less than likely
More than unlikely
Uninformed

I can’t begin
to imagine
what “World Class”
management
means now.

Not Very Bad

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

No poem
Can be very bad
If it’s very short.

Opening Day

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

There is much promise
In an opening day home run.
If the team plays like this all season
They are going to clinch
The pennant.

But in baseball
Failure is the rule.
And so it is in life.

The only promise that opening day can keep
Is that warmer days will come.

Taboo

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Eating in the restroom.
Spitting on the sidewalk.
Talking in the elevator.
Running on the ferry.

Spitting in the elevator.
Talking on the sidewalk.
Running in the restroom.
Eating on the ferry is ok.

I try to not pick my nose in public.
I try to not ride my bike through red lights.

All Your Collected Objects

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Wendy,
I gave away your tapes,
Your carefully curated catalogs,
And your lovingly thumbed flipbooks.
Last night, I broke the mug you sipped from
In your unsent video letter.
Your books are gone,
Your toys are gone,
And you, too, are gone.
I’m giving up the crazy hope
Of putting you back together again
from all your collected objects.

Saved by the Sun

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

When the Sun came out,
I thought,
“At last we’re saved!”
What was I so worried about before?
When the sky is blue,
And cherry trees become
The only clouds,
What is there to despair?
I feel quite certain
That it will never rain again.

Aquarium Days

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Like a distressed submarine,
My shoe springs a leak
At mid day, and my toes
Quietly drown at the intersection.

The sidewalk is wet, constant.

The memory of these aquarium days
Will draw me outside in August,
Against my will,
To gather every drop of sunlight.

Forgetting

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I saw something this morning
So smart and beautiful
That I became nauseous with envy.

It made me despise myself
For not thinking of it first.

I have worked all day long
To forget what it was.

Thirty

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I will write thirty poems to April.
They will be brief, like the recipe for ice.
They will paint themselves into corners.
They will be elaborate houses built on sand.
They will come pouring out like water from a boot.
I will write them in foolish.

How I Spent My Blog Vacation

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

I try to write this blog out of habit. It’s the only way things get done from me on a regular basis.

My habits are easily thrown off when my life pivots in a new direction. All this change has disrupted many of my habits, not just blogging. I’ve been wanting to come back to this, but didn’t know how. My sisters even tried shaming me back into writing here, which I appreciated very much.

Me + the Internet = 20 Years

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The Internet and I celebrated our 20th anniversary together last November. We didn’t do much—didn’t even exchange special packets. I’ve been thinking about it, though.

Back then, the Internet was a lot harder to get around. I don’t think we even called it the Internet back then. We called it the backbone. I thought of it as a technical connection between two computers—yours and the one you were connecting to. It’s still that way, but we think of the Internet, as a whole, differently. Instead of a string connecting two tin cans, we think of it now as an amusement park, museum, library, and adult video arcade all wrapped into one.

Giving Away My Brain

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Synaptic Gasp by Flynn-Burhoe

I don’t remember now where I learned of the Harvard Brain Bank, but several weeks ago I made a note for myself to look into donating my brain after death for medical study. Every so often, I am reminded to look further into this. When those reminders come, I hit the snooze button.

My Summer Checklist

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I measure my life in how many summers I’ve lived. This was a very good summer, filled with simple pleasures. It got me thinking about a checklist of things I enjoy about summer.

climbing on top of a mountain—√ – Mt. Muller in the Olympic National Forest
dancing to live music—× – not yet, but I am planning to go to Bumbershoot this weekend
feel 90°+ heat—√ – in Wenatchee
going on a bicycle ride with someone—√ – we went on the Bainbridge Island Studio Tour
going to a baseball game—√ – I have been witness to the Mariners’ dismal season
going to a pot luck—√ – several
having a conversation around a camp fire—√ – while camping with friends on the Skagit river
kayaking for an afternoon—√ – from Winslow to Blakely Rock and back
picking and eating fruit—√ – one little blackberry
riding a water slide—√ – at the local pool. Also hit the √rope swing and the √high and √low diving boards.
riding an amusement park ride—× – the problem with those rides is that they’re surrounded by hassle
see a blockbuster matinee—× – I’ve seen a good many of them, but none during the day.
seeing animals in the wild—√ – several: eagles, rabbits, deer, snakes, porpoises, orca, coyote, and numerous insects and birds
seeing the sunrise—× – sadly, no
sleeping overnight in a tent—√ – on two trips
sleeping overnight on a boat—× – I still could, but it would be a boat sitting in a driveway
staying up all night—× – does this mean I’m getting old?
swimming in a lake—√ – in Lake Wenatchee
swimming in the ocean—× – it didn’t ever get warm enough this summer to brave the chilly waters of the Salish Sea
watching a drive-in movie—× – there are two drive-in theaters less than an hour away, but I didn’t do this because of car/radio problems

I still have a couple of days left. Maybe I can check off a few more items.

“He Must Be a Liberal"

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I’m so fighting mad right now

I was in a bar, talking to friends. Some guy comes in and passes around some cutesy, printed out e-mail about how no one who has Irish ancestry should vote for anyone but McCain. It gets passed to me.

I read it. In its folksy way, it points out how Obama, who is a lawyer who is married to a lawyer, beat out another lawyer who is married to a lawyer…blah blah blah. It just made me mad. It touched a subterranean river of anger in me that’s been slowly getting deeper and wider over the last eight years. I did something childish. I crumpled up the paper and threw it back.

The Emotional Mass of Items

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:00:00 +0000

So many of the tens of thousands of items in my life have emotional connections to them. I think of this just two days after leaving my late wife’s car at an auto dealership, having traded it in for a yet-to-be-delivered new one.

She got this car before she met me and it became our car. I should have replaced it a long time ago—it had been partially disabled for nine months!

minority status

Fri, 30 May 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Humans dislike minority status. You can define minority in any way: race, religion, gender, status, etc. This is why I don’t want to travel, this fear of being a minority. It is also why I live where I live. In Koreatown, I was in a community that was probably my ethnic minority. Also, that humans are only happy (or happiest?) when making order.

It's Not God, It's Schadenfreude

Thu, 29 May 2008 00:00:00 +0000

This happens all too easily. First, a big natural disaster comes along and kills dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people. Then some far-removed knucklehead says into a microphone that, essentially, this is punishment from God.

The latest person to step on this pile of warm, stinking self-delusion is Sharon Stone. While being interviewed on that never-ending red carpet our culture marches her across, she said this about the devastating earthquake that hit China last week:

On Your Birthday, Dad

Wed, 28 May 2008 00:00:00 +0000

My father would have turned 72 today. While going through his and my mother’s papers a few weeks ago, I found this birthday card given to him by his father. Fifteen dollars sat inside with the words “Love, Dad” below the rhyming sentiment. He would have received the card on some year between 1969 (the series year for both bills) and 1985 (the last birthday my dad would have celebrated with grandpa).

Bring on the $5 Gallon of Gas

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 +0000

“What this country needs is a good, seven-cent nickel.” –Groucho Marx

Last week, I came just short of my first $60 transaction at the gas station. It was startling. What’s going on? Where are the gas lines?

Gas prices are slowly going up, and we’re slowly adjusting to the pain. Now John McCain and Hilary Clinton are calling for a repeal of the gas tax until (if?) prices go back down.

“Always too nostalgic. Now, just living.”

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Above is my six-word memoir. The idea of writing autobiographies using six words or less is being promoted by Smith Magazine. They are hosting thousands upon thousands of these little reductions, where you can submit your own.

About my memoir, though, I’ve been learning to give up my nostalgia. I’m doing this by becoming more comfortable with uncertainty. It has been fear, I think, that has driven me into the safety of remembering and living in the past. Even memories of bad events felt safer than mysteries of the future or the complexity of the present.

Writing Metrics

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0000

On the subject of writing, productivity, and creativity, I recently came across a simple, obvious trick to shut off that internal editor: write it out longhand.

I tend to avoid longhand writing. My penmanship is sloppy, my endurance is lower than with a keyboard (meaning I can write fewer words without my hand(s) getting tired), and a digital file is easier to manage, sort, and store than a piece of paper.

Old Dishwasher, Free

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I drove past a house a couple weeks ago that had an old dishwasher out in front with a sign on it reading, “Free.” It made me laugh. I presume that this household got a new dishwasher and balked at the cost of having the old one hauled away. “Are you kidding me? This thing cost $350 in 1976! I’m not going to pay to have it thrown away.”

I Am What I Am Becoming

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0000

The film Juno has some really great lines, but my favorite is when she confesses to her parents about being pregnant, her father says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.” She replies, “I don’t really know what kind of girl I am.”

Top of the Charts

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Thanks to detritus for pointing out the fun culture of song charts on flickr. Photo credit: mod_complex, The Ramones

Bartleby Syndrome

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

One of my favorite short stories is “Bartleby the Scrivener” by Herman Melville. It’s about a man who comes to work as a scrivner in a law office. A scrivener was a human photocopier, of sorts, before the 20th century brought machines to do that.

Much like today’s photocopiers, Bartleby starts shutting down. As his employer bring him documents to copy, he refuses to work. “I’d rather not,” he politely tells him. The employer tries cajoling him, coaxing him, yelling at him and, eventually, fires him. Bartleby continues to appear at the office, though, and the employer can only rid himself of him by moving to a new location. The office’s new tenants have him put in jail, where he dies because he refuses to eat.

Capturing the Flight of an Electron on Video

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Swedish scientists recently announced the ability to capture the image of a single electron. This was previously impossible due to the electron’s high speed and sensitivity to energy. LiveScience is hosting a video of an electron riding on a light wave after having been pulled away from an atom.

The video doesn’t clearly show the electron in flight, but rather a series of pulsating, concentric rings, so it’s hard to visualize. The timeframe of the video takes place during the oscillation of a single wavelenth of light, but has been slowed down for human consumption. The soundtrack for the video is corny, so be advised.

When the Enemy Calls America

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

“To put it bluntly [long pause] to put it bluntly, if the enemy is calling into America, we really need to know what they’re saying, and we need to know what they’re thinking.” –President George W. Bush, this morning

This was how the President urged lawmakers to give his administration free reign to eavesdrop on international calls. It also might signal that he’s approved covert CIA psychic, telepathic, and ESP programs because of our need to know what they’re thinking.

The Sadness of Possession

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

What is it in us that makes us want to hold onto things? If we enjoy something, we want to know it’s going to be there, where we left it, to tickle those neurons again and again. There’s an impulse to take it, keep it, make it ours. Sometimes we feel possessive when we see others enjoying something, too. Look at the handsome couple in that gleaming new car. Get me to the dealership.

Turning the Inner Critic into an Encouraging Guide

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

This post is an experiment to get more creativity out of my day. I’ve written this to show two voices that are a part of my writing process. The first, in black, is the inner creator. The second, in red, is the inner critic/guide. I wrote in the creator voice for exactly 20 minutes and then handed the piece over to the critic who deleted, moved, and rewrote parts of it.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mom and Dad

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

My parents met each other on St. Valentine’s day, 1962. They met at a bar in the San Fernando Valley. My mom was there to meet a date. She was then a 34-year-old divorced mother of four who lived with her kids at her parents’ house.

Parents don’t like to talk to their kids about the people they dated before they met their final mate. It’s as though they would rather not show their work in solving an algebra problem. My mom was a little more forthcoming about her pre-marriage experiences than my father was. I know she dated Johnny Grant, the recently deceased “mayor of Hollywood,” who she described as “all hands.” Hearing that ended my line of questioning for the day.

The Holiday This Country Needs

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I’m calling for a new holiday tradition. I think young children should get dressed up, like they often do at Easter, fill paper bags with candy, and go with their parents to nursing homes to hand-feed the candy to the elderly. Just plop it right in their mouths. This holiday, call it Candimas or Sweetday, would make aging so much easier and sweeter.

Obama for President

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I saw a sticker on a pick-up truck yesterday with the word Clinton on it. The “C” in Clinton was in the shape of a hammer and sickle, insinuating that Bill Clinton or Hilary or both are closet Soviets, which is just dumb. The Clintons have been the most conservative, business-friendly Democrats to come to power in the last 100 years.

Trusting the Method

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:00:00 +0000

After I got out of the shower yesterday, I curled my arm to look at the size of my bicep. It had been a while since I had done this. I was impressed. It looked noticeably larger than the last time I checked. It looked like a tight ball under my skin with some definition of other muscle around it. When I checked it in the bathroom mirror this morning, though, it looked the same as it always had—sort of a round mass. Perhaps the gym has better lighting.

“Showers Likely All Day And Tonight As Well"

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:00:00 +0000

That was the weather forecast on my clock radio alarm this morning. He could have just said, “Expect constant rain.”

I expected this. I’ve known for a while that January is a difficult month around here. It’s only tangentially about the rain. It’s just that, day after day, I feel like I’m living in an aquarium. Everything is constantly wet and the ever-present cloud cover bathes us in a blue light. We have a late, elongated dawn, a washed out noon, followed by a slow decline into an early twilight. We all use our headlights during the day.

The Year I Learned to Let Go

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 00:00:00 +0000

This is how I would sum up 2007. It was the year I learned to let go.

2006, in contrast, was the year I held on. I clung to the memory of Wendy and the ideas we had for our future. I clutched at my grief and kept it close. Most of the time, I felt like I was struggling to survive.

My Firefox Extensions

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I use Firefox. One of the reasons why I use it is that I can use all manor of extensions—tiny helper programs—that people create on their own time to improve the functionality of the Internet experience.

This is what is known as “open source.” The idea behind it is that you do a little bit of work for free to the benefit of humankind.

On Commitment

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been doing a lot over the last several weeks. I’ve been adding new commitments one by one to get ready for a return to the world. In that time, I realize that I’ve left off blogging.

Writing this blog was never intended to be a commitment or a drag on my time. Originally, it was an outlet for me to keep writing when other types of writing had failed me.

Losing Keys Off the Chain

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I have trouble watching baseball on TV. It seems like such a time suck. I feel guilty, so I often try to do other things while the game is on. The other day, I used the time to defrag my key chain.

Nearly half (5 of 11) of my keys were mystery keys—keys I haven’t used in at least a year and only vaguely remember what they unlock. Few things are as sad as mystery keys. It’s like having a solution to a problem that you’ve long since forgotten.

“I Can Break Rules, Too"

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 +0000

It’s just the strangest thing.

Just now, I was replying to an e-mail that had been sent to me, and I got an error message saying that the e-mail was not sent. I scanned the error message (an old habit that goes back to the days when you had to do a lot more troubleshooting when working with computers). I didn’t think to write the error message down before I closed the window. I’m conditioned like a NASA monkey to click on a button around the word “OK” whenever I see one. But I’m quite sure—a certainty that dissolves in me as I write this—that the error message was cheeky. It read something like this:

Stop the Nazi Comparisons

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Mike Godwin, perhaps in despair of the reductive reasoning becoming so common in the Internet’s newsgroup arguments, coined “Godwin’s Law,” which reads:

“As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.”

The Nazi comparison was evoked, usually in heated debate, on almost any subject, but especially in political discussions. It may be less so now, but only because Godwin’s Law has been a successful counter-argument.

Creating an Out of Body Experience

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0000

The BBC reported that researchers have found a way to manufacture an out-of-body experience. Their experiment included one technique that employed a video camera that filmed the subject from behind. The subject, wearing virtual-reality goggles, sees a researcher in the video feed touch his back. This creates an experience that is similar to an OOBE.

Why We Believe in God

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0000

The March 4 New York Times Magazine had an article about the debate among evolutionary biologists regarding why humans believe in God. Religion is so persistent in human history, scientists can’t help but see it as a trait that has evolved in us, like opposable thumbs or hairless skin. But because it exists in the mind, the debate resolves around whether religious belief is an adaptation or the perhaps useless side-product of other adaptations.

Visions of the Future!

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I read an article in the San Francisco Chronicle that lists out predictions of the future that included out these scenarios:

By 2020, the Internet could reach the far ends of the world, a population of Luddites could refuse to adopt new technology and choose to disconnect from the Internet, and humans could become the pets of robots, technology experts predicted in a survey released Sunday.

The study was commissioned by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, a Washington nonprofit group that studies the impact of the Internet, and carried out by Elon University. It found that most technology luminaries from around the world expect Internet access to broaden and become widespread in developing countries.

But the experts disagree on how the Internet might influence our lives: Of the 742 respondents, 58 percent are concerned that “refuseniks” could become disenchanted with technology and commit terrorist acts against it. And 42 percent fear that humans could lose control of technology, potentially in much the same manner as in the movie “The Matrix.”

Our Tour of the MLB Parks

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I’m at the Hampton Inn in downtown Denver, CO. Mike and I met here at the hotel on Friday afternoon as part of our ongoing stadium tour.

We were about half-way into this tour before we realized it was a tour. It started out when we wanted to see the new Bank One Ballpark in Arizona. We each visited Fenway on separate occasions and, sometime after that, we decided to see all the parks in the system.

Jerry Seinfeld's Productivity Advice

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Lifehacker shared a piece of advice on getting things done a little bit at a time. The advice comes from Jerry Seinfeld, right at the top of his career, to a new (then) comic and (now) software developer:

[Seinfeld] said the way to be a better comic was to create better jokes and the way to create better jokes was to write every day. But his advice was better than that. He had a gem of a leverage technique he used on himself and you can use it to motivate yourself - even when you don’t feel like it.

He then revealed a unique calendar system he was using pressure himself to write.

Here’s how it worked.

He told me to get a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hang it on a prominent wall. The next step was to get a big red magic marker.

He said for each day that I do my task of writing, I get to put a big red X over that day. “After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain.”

“Don’t break the chain.” He said again for emphasis.

RIAA Killed the Internet Radio Star

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I haven’t been following the whole battle over Internet radio because I don’t really listen to it that often and that I just figured that the Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) was only shooting themselves in the foot. This morning I was asked to write a blog post for Amazon about a new development in Internet radio’s impending demise: SoundExchange decided not to enforce its crippling new royalty fees, which were due on Monday.

My First Sermon: Job Moments

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I just delivered my first sermon, titled “Job Moments.” Here is what I said:

In my early 20s, I went on a road trip to Las Vegas with my friend, Mike. It’s kind of a rite of passage, I guess. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we stayed at my sister’s house, so we didn’t have a lot of other expenses beside cheap buffets and cheap gasoline. The gambling didn’t go well for either of us. We just lost, and lost, and lost that whole weekend. We stopped at the border and figured we each could spare $10 and still have enough to get home.

I bought a roll of quarters and, on the first one, got 6 out of 6 in a Keno machine. That was a $250 jackpot. While I waited for an attendant to come and pay me, I dropped my second quarter into a different machine and won $300. I felt lucky, but more than that I felt selected by God to win. It was a mystical realization.

Mike found me after he ran through his ten dollars and was astonished by the two flashing machines on either side of me. I took pity on him and, sending him away with half my quarters, I decided to cheer him up by winning the Harley Davidson motorcycle that sat atop a bank of poker machines. I was already doing good works with God’s gift.

I lost the rest of the quarters trying to win that bike, the spell wore off, and I left the casino with a lot more cash than I walked in with.

It’s easy to think of God when the amazing happens to us. Baseball player genuflect after a home run and rappers give props to God for their success. It’s humble to say, no, it wasn’t years of training and discipline or even dumb luck that got me here, but rather, it was God. All praise be to God.

But we also think of God when disaster strikes. I call this a “Job moment.” It comes with compounding losses, statistically improbably losses, or maybe just a single loss that eclipses our comprehension. A Job Moments makes you look up, with hands out, and say, “Why me, Lord? What did I do to deserve this?”

All I knew about Job before I started studying the Book of Job this spring was that he was someone who endured great strife with patience. It is a difficult and fascinating work that wrestles with the question of why bad things happen. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, it basically unfolds this way:

Job is wealthy and pious. God is proud of Job and points out the qualities of this “good and blameless man” to Satan. Satan tells God that the only reason Job is so good is because he has a large flock, healthy crops, and many sons. Then Satan proposes a little experiment to God. If he could take everything away from the man, Job would surely curse God to his face. God permits Satan to kill Job’s sons, steal his flock, and inflict him head-to-toe with sores.

Job then wails in agony, laments his fate, and curses the day he was ever born, but refuses to curse God. Job’s friends sit with him and argue that he should repent, but Job rightly counters that he hasn’t done anything wrong and that he would like to make his case before God. He desperately cries out, asking to know what he did to receive such punishment in every aspect of his life. Then God comes to him as a whirlwind and chastises him for questioning the moral authority of the Supreme Being who created the world and everything in it. Job, awed and humbled in His presense, repents for calling God to account. God replaces what was taken from him in the form of a new and bigger flock, more wealth, a long life, and more sons.

On its face, this story is absurd and thick with contradictions. Job got what we all ask for in those moments—namely an answer from God, even if that answer was essentially a “no comment.” And yet we get the answer Job seeks. The reason for his punishment was that he stood out. If only he were a little less pious, maybe God wouldn’t have pointed him out to Satan. A belief in an all-knowing, all-seeing God who would wager with Satan over Job’s reaction to torment is difficult to resolve.

As illogical as the book seems to us today, it marks an evolution in theology. According to the Talmud, the Book of Job was written by Moses himself, but others believe it was written during the time of King Solomon. We know it was written after Leviticus, the Jewish legal code, which explicitly promises blessings for obedience to God’s law and punishment for disobedience. Job’s friends naturally jumped to the conclusion that disaster was proof of some heavy-duty disobedience on Job’s part. The story of Job is a small step for mankind toward the notion that things happen without regard to any Universal justice. Babies die in their cribs. Killers walk undiscovered among us. Life is not fair.

I say it’s a small step because it still clings to the consequence of God’s power. Essentially, bad things happen because He makes them happen, or lets them happen, and no one is fit to question why. We’re all subjects of the same fickle ruler, which is a relief, since we no longer have to endure the scorn of our friends when tragedy darkens our door. This new way of thinking that the Book of Job provides is embodied in the phrase, “God moves in mysterious ways.”

But there are colder, perhaps more frightening possibilities that must have occurred to these ancient minds. One is that God doesn’t care. Another is that God is unwilling—or even unable—to do anything about our day-to-day lives. The third, of course, is that God just isn’t there.

In choosing between a capricious, destructive God and an absent One, why did the Hebrews pick the former? I suppose the same could be asked of any religion throughout the world and its history. C.S. Lewis in his book “The Problem of Pain” says that religion springs from numinous experience, the fear mixed with awe that leads us to believe that we’re not entirely alone. We all experience the spiritual in some form at some times. If we believe that this spiritual presense is connected to a power massive enough to form mountains and set orbits, surely it is one that also can giveth and taketh away. Or is that just how we want it to be?

When I was a little kid, I would often get lost in the supermarket. Typically, I would get distracted by a magazine rack or the toy section. My mom, with groceries to buy and things to do, would keep moving through the store. The awareness of my situation would eventually blossom into panic as I searched for her aisle by aisle. I would sense time running out, that I could somehow lose her among the carts and cans, and that she might forget me. It seemed to me then that I could somehow be abandoned forever in the supermarket.

Of course, I never was. Neither she nor my father would ever let me become truly, permanently lost. I would find them or they would find me and though they might be angry at me for wandering away, I was always relieved at having found them again. I would stick close by, at least for the rest of that day’s shopping. It was reassuring to know that they were looking out for me.

It is likewise reassuring to believe that God, our father, is the universal, eternal parent who watches over us at every turn. He is the loving parent, even angry or violent parent, the parent that keeps us from wandering astray. To believe otherwise is to be abandoned, forever, in the supermarket.

I think we are lost in that supermarket because I find it difficult to imagine an interceding God that sometimes bends the rules, tilts the table, fixes the game. Jackpots, crop failures, and exploding stars don’t have inherent positive or negative values outside the values and expectations we place on those events.

To paraphrase a bumper sticker, “Stuff Happens.” It is we who apply the good and the bad. It’s up to us to manage the disastrous as best we can when it happens. When there’s something that can be done, it is up to us to do it, but when it comes to the unforeseen, unavoidable, life-changing events that happen out of the blue, all we can do is gawk, slack-jawed, at the mystery of the Universe of which we are a part and not waste our energy wondering what we did to deserve it.

If we stay mindful of the present moment and remember that we are connected to and a constituent part of that mystery, we won’t feel lost and afraid in the supermarket. We will feel at home in the Universe.

It times of great hardship and difficulty, let us remember to pray—not for changed outcomes, but for strength to meet those outcomes, peace to resolve them, and love so that we may continue to say yes to life.

May it be so. Amen.

So Long Big Bang, Hello Big Bounce

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 00:00:00 +0000

A scientific paper was released yesterday in the online version of the journal Nature Physics that may provide answers not only to the origin of our Universe, but may describe some conditions of what was there before.

Martin Bojowald, assistant professor of physics at Penn State has found a way to combine some calculations of quantum physics, which is very good at describing very extreme units of energy and mass, with classical physics, which is better at describing things like orbits and gravity. Physicists have been trying for nearly a century to reconcile the two types into a unified theory that would cast a better light, as it were, into how the Universe works.

Bicycling is the Answer, Part II

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:00:00 +0000

It’s taken me ten months, from the time I posted the first part until this week, to actually reduce my car trips and bicycle to town.

It’s 12 miles round trip with a few tough hills, but it’s mostly flat. The reason why it’s taken me so long to get around to actually riding my bike in a utilitarian way is because most of the trip is along the bike lane of the two-lane highway 305. Cars and trucks whiz by at plus or minus 55 mph. A couple of months ago I baby-stepped this fear by walking to town along the highway. It probably wasn’t any safer, but it seemed like it was a good idea at the time.

The Road

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 00:00:00 +0000

The book is compelling because McCarthy paints such a realistic scenario for the end of the world. The book starts six or eight years after something awful and irrevocable has put the world in decline and its immediately clear that things won’t be getting better any time soon. No one in the book even knows for sure what the event was. Whether it was nuclear holocaust, massive volcanic explosion, or a meteor impact that burned the cities to the ground and poisoned the air doesn’t really even matter. It’s all ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Took Her Radio and Hocked it, Radio and Hocked it

Fri, 25 May 2007 00:00:00 +0000

My new hobby is my iPod. I really am converted to their cult. It’s so mind-bogglingly fun to carry all of my music around with me wherever I go.

I’m using it as a way to reconnect to old albums I long ago discarded. I moved a lot in my college years and I jettisoned vinyl albums because they were all used and scratched anyway and I got tired of lugging them around. Besides, you could always find a used record store to buy back the albums for pennies on the dollar. CDs sounded better to me, anyway. Vinyl seemed then—and still now—inferior and obsolete.

Ron Paul Vs. Rudy Giuliani

Thu, 17 May 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Here we are, almost six years after the start of the “War on Terror,” and a Republican Congressman running for president has the balls to say that honestly look at the causes of terrorism. Don’t expect him to last very long on the campaign trail.

In a May 15 Republican debate, Ron Paul (R, Texas) had this exchange with Rudy:

I've Fallen Into the Cellar

Thu, 10 May 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Today, this week, I’ve been in the grips of a monstrous depression that I can’t shake, no matter how hard I try. The weather has been, for the most part, fantastic, but that’s not enough to pull me out of this nose dive. I’ve tried everything I can think of. Just now, I was engaging in some online retail therapy, looking for an American DVD release of Zabriskie Point (no such luck), when I thought maybe what I need to do—maybe what’s been wrong with me—is that I haven’t been blogging.

About My Mom

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 00:00:00 +0000

My mom died about three weeks ago. I originally thought I would have a better understanding of how I’m feeling three months later, but I don’t. I still feel numb. I really loved my mom and I know I’m going to miss her.

I feel at peace with my Mom’s death. Partly I’m relieved that she’s no longer confined to a bed with a stomach tube. I’m relieved that her health will no longer create havoc in my sister’s life or discord between all of my siblings. I’m relieved to not have the psychic burden of hearing that she’s dead.

Mom, 1928-2007

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 00:00:00 +0000

My mother died Sunday night. It occurred to me then how frightening the world is when your mother is no longer alive.

My mother was a source of grace. She knew every song on the radio and could sing it, well. She knew almost every correct answer on the TV game shows.

My Mother's Last Stand

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 00:00:00 +0000

The doctor told my sister on Thursday night that if family wanted to come and see my mother before she died, now would be a good time. She had been asleep by then for 48 hours straight, fighting pneumonia and two other infections. By Friday morning, she was awake and able to recognize my sister and, later that night, she spoke, with difficulty, to my brother and another sister who had each traveled from different states to be by her side.

A Cubic Foot of Memory Suspended in the Air

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I took Cinder to Battle Point Park last week. It was a rare sunny winter day. We walked around the park, I occasionally throwing the ball for her, but mostly just walking along. We saw high school kids playing lacrosse, joggers, and lazy geese who didn’t fly any farther south. We wandered around the far edge of the park, up against its southern boundary fence, and cutting back across a field to where we had left the car, I walked into a smell identical to that of fishing at dawn with my father at Castaic Lake.

You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0000

[caption id="" align=“alignright” width=“300”] Mackinac Island (1814) by William Dashwood[/caption]

My first name is Porter, as was my father’s and grandfather’s. My great grandfather, though, was named George. As a kid, I used to ask my dad how grandpa got to be named Porter. What I remember of the story is that he was named after a hero in the War of 1812, Porter Hanks, to whom we were somehow related. Also, there was something about him being shot in the chest once, but the bullet lodged in his pocket watch. Hanks later disassembled the watch and had a ring made from it. This lucky ring would somehow, someday come to me.

Grief Shaved 30 Points Off My IQ

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0000

The whole day goes by, and I get almost nothing done. Or it feels like I get nothing done. Or I get nothing consequential done.

I’m surprised, in fact, by how fast morning turns to night. Where did it go?

Here’s what I did this week: I slowly built pyramids of laundry, dishes, and recycling. I went on walks. I paid overdue bills. I opened cupboards and didn’t close them. I lingered in public places to be around other humans but didn’t call on any friends. I half-read magazine articles. I drank. I watched movies. I slept about 10 hours a day. I went to a class. I did a very little bit of work and half-heartedly asked for more. I did my rounds on the Internet. I stewed in the hot tub. I talked to friends and family on the phone.

The Champagne-Charging Bicycle

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been writing blog posts for Amazon’s CE blog this week while its editors are at the CES show. This entails scrolling through thousands of press release headlines, news site links, and blog posts. Just now, I read a headline about a champagne-charging bicycle, and immediately, I looked away from my screen and imagined what that was. Is the bottle attached to the frame? How is motion from the pedals converted into pumping…But wait, isn’t champagne charged naturally?

My New Resolution: Saying Hello

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0000

This is stupid. It comes naturally for most people, but when I run into an aquaintance by surprise, I pretend that I don’t see them or I turn away. I don’t run screaming from people, no, but I don’t approach them, either.

This happens for a lot of dumb reasons. There’s something about impromptu small talk that lands in my ear like fingernails on a chalk board. I’m afraid of the embarassment of not being able to remember their name and the embarassment of them not being able to remember mine.

I'm Sorry You Didn't Get a Christmas Card From Me

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I am sorry. I really am. I wanted to send you a Christmas card this year, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t until this week that I realized that I couldn’t. I bought boxes of Christmas cards, compiled a list of addresses, even went so far as to print out labels and buy stamps, but I didn’t send out any Christmas cards.

About Blackouts

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 00:00:00 +0000

No, not the self-induced kind, the wind-induced kind.

Meteorologists said on Wednesday that a big storm was coming and that we would lose our power. I’d never heard such an ominous weather prediction. Considering that the island loses power at the virtual drop of a hat, I was pretty well prepared. I could have done better on the firewood, but, oh well.

Extreme Fun Happy Bounce Wiggle Buddy

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been working this last week editing content for toy products. At this point, I’ve gone through more than 400 toys, and the names of these products aren’t making sense to me any more.

Below is a list of actual products mixed with fake products I’ve made up. Let me know if you can tell the difference:

Happy Thanksgiving

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The Strangest Night of My Life

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

It was 1994. I went on an weekend camping trip with my writing professor and a few other students. The university owned an old mining cabin in an obscure corner of Death Valley, which they allowed professors and students to use free for research. Usually, it was geology students using the place (infrequently, at that). Our professor taught a class called Advanced Narrative Writing. We were going up there to write.

Welcome Back to the Blue, America

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’m relieved, not overjoyed. I feel like my country is waking up from terror hangover and seeing this administration for what it really is: ugly, corrupt, lying, overly secretive, and unjust.

Donald Rumsfeld has been put out to pasture, as my buddy Mike says, “two years too late.” I don’t expect there will be too much change in the next two years, and I don’t expect they’ll be able to drive this president back to his Texas ranch prematurely, but I hope the madness—the torturing, domestic eavesdropping, Constitution-breaking madness\—comes to an end.

Percocet Dreams

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’m on day five of trying to pass a 7mm kidney stone. So far, no good. Thankfully, my in-laws were staying with me on Saturday night when the pain came down out of the sky. They rushed me to the hospital, and I’ve been traveling in tiny, white subway cars of Percocet ever since.

8 years, 7 months, 14 days, 11 hours, 25 minutes and 28 seconds.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

That is, as close as I can calculate, the sum total of time Wendy was in my life: from the moment I met her until the time of her death. That duration represented 23.9% of my lifespan, a percentage that will only decrease as I continue to live. For example, if I managed to live to exactly 100, the Wendy years would constitute 8.6% of my lifespan.

Now It's Official: Iraq War Spreads Terrorism

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

In early 2003, I was walking down 6th street in downtown Seattle and stopped to read a poster that claimed invading Iraq would play right into Osama bin Laden’s hands.

Well, now it’s official. The New York Times this morning ran a story about a classified National Intelligence Estimate that concludes our occupation of Iraq is spreading radical Islam and creating new groups of terrorists. From the article:

The 5-Year Anniversary of 9/12

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The memorials have been staged, the wreaths laid, the remembrances made. Today, September 12, is the fifth-year anniversary of the start of our present course. Five years ago we were united. Today, we are sharply divided about why we’ve done what we’ve done and what we should do going forward.

The Single Most Important Image

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The image at the end of this short documentary was 78 billion years in the making and represents the furthest into the Universe that we’ve seen. I couldn’t help but watch it over and over again.

Life Imitates Art

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I heard the news on Saturday about a European space probe that was launched at, and crashed into, the moon. Their aim (pardon the pun) was to stir up a cloud of dust and examine the images to see if the moon was really once a part of the Earth.

When Dad Told Me He Had Cancer

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

He tried to be composed, but he could hear me start to panic and his voiced cracked a bit over the phone. I tried to stay composed, too. I told my boss that I had to leave for a family emergency, then I went back to my desk and called Wendy to drive over and pick me up from work. We lived three blocks away. I held it together through the ride home, but once my body hit the bed, it was as though I were vomiting tears. My body spasmed and I wailed. And I couldn’t stop.

The Administration's Bad News Friday

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0000

They’ve done it again. The Bush administration releases bad news on a Friday.

This time, it’s a Pentagon report called “Measuring Security and Stability in Iraq.” It’s a report required by Congress from the Pentagon quarterly. This latest installment is bleak and details the growth in fighting between religious factions in Iraq over the last three months. The report also shows a decline in Iraqi public opinion about Iraq’s future.

Express Yourself

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

This is a video of a man making and distributing anti-war signage.

The One About the Elderly, Dogs, and Hot Cars

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

About a month ago, we had a heat wave. It was minor compared to the rest of the country, but significant around these parts.

I was going to Safeway and had Cinder in the car. I rolled down the passenger- and driver-side windows about half-way down, made sure that Cinder had enough water, and went in to go get our groceries.

The Two Knots You Need

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The 20th century will come to be known as the separation of our natural selves from our modern selves. At the start of the 20th, a much higher percentage had experience killing or dressing the evening’s main course. Today, we’re more likely to buy our meat on a styrofoam tray, wrapped in saran wrap.

Participatory Media

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Two points make a line. Three points make a trend. Here’s the next big thing: Participatory media.

For years, communication was limited to person-to-person, such as correspondence and conversation, and person-to-few, such as the town crier. Movable type and literacy expanded communication’s reach, made it more possible to carry communication greater distances.

The Fire That May One Day Burn Us All

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The War on Terrorism is oxymoronic in that terrorism, a tactic used to incite fear in a general public, is provoking in us a predictable fear response: War. We lose the war by fighting it. This war makes us more vulnerable to terrorism, not less.

So where are we almost five years later? We’ve lost almost as many U.S. soldiers in Iraq since 2003 as citizens killed on 9/11 and, by some estimates, 20 times that in Iraqi civilian death. OBL is still at large, the Taliban is still causing trouble in Afghanistan, Iran has grown in power and influence, oil prices have climbed, Arab moderates all over the region are sidelined by extremists, and America’s standing in the world has greatly diminished—we inspire less fear and less hope in the world.

“We Are Created by Being Destroyed"

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I was coming home one night last month from a church potluck when I heard an interview with the poet Franz Wright on the radio program Open Source. He was reading a poem called “Letter, January 1998,” from his book Walking to Martha’s Vineyard, which ended with the line, “We are created by being destroyed.”

9/11 Truth

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

There’s been a lot of talk lately about conspiracy theories that put our government behind the attacks of September 11.

I agree that every investigation regarding this White House over the last six yeas has been lackluster. I’m hopeful that a Democratic House of Representatives might hold some real hearings.

You Will Know Fall By Its Spiders

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Living here in the PNW for five years, I’m able to notice the first signs of a seasonal change. For example, you know it’s the start of spring when you can actually smell things—the water, the trees. I know that fall is around the corner when I start seeing—or worse, not seeing and running into—spider webs outside.

Send Them Back to Alabamistan

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

First, let’s not confuse Alabamistan with the fine state Alabama. Alabamistan exists in a different dimension, as a network of tiny hearts and warped minds that have had outsized influence over the lives of Americans.

In Alabamistan, the citizens don’t want women to breast feed their child in public. Even though breast feeding is one of the human traditions that got all of us here, the sight of breast feeding makes them embarrassed and offended. Some actually expect women to breast feed in the restroom. Is that where people normally eat in Alabamistan?

Bicycling is the Answer

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Lately, I’ve been thinking that bicycling is the answer for America’s problems. Gas prices too high? Bicycle. Growing rates of obesity and depression? Bicycle. Stuck in traffic? Bicycle. Worried about greenhouse gasses? Bicycle. I risk sounding like the monomaniacal George Bush, whose answer to every problem was “Tax cuts.”

Certainly, if it worked for China, then it can work here.

Comparing Iraq to Viet Nam

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

A new NY Times/CBS poll shows stark difference in Americans’ opinions over the war in Iraq. 75% of Republicans see the war as “the right thing,” but just 24% of Democrats agree. Independents are split 50-50 on the question. Partisan differences on Viet Nam, in contrast, never surpassed 18 points during the conflict.

From Cats to Dogs

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I was listening to Dave Chappelle the other day. I think he’s the funniest living American. At several points, he referred to associates as “dog,” as in, “Yo dog, what’s up?”

This is not something that Dave Chappelle started. It’s a hip hop thing, going back at least as far as DMX’s “Where’s My Dogs At?” and probably further. Maybe it goes back to Snoop Dogg and his debut album Doggystyle.

What I've Learned About My Dog in 5 Years

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

She’s an ass-kicking bitch. If a dog has the temerity to look her in the eye, she instantly becomes all teeth and goes straight for its neck.
Despite her vicious front, she is, at heart, a little tiny baby that just wants to be loved.
She obeys my every command…eventually.
She hates all new people immediately. If you interact with me and you give her space, she’s eventually going to want to lick your face.
As long as I’m there to watch her, she will swim all day.
She will exhaust herself chasing balls. When she gets really tired, she forgets to drop the ball.
She really only has three things to tell me:
1. I want you to take me out (a carefully placed tissue or sock in the living room)
2. I’m hungry (a nod and a growl at her food dish)
3. I love you (licking my face)

for poets who avoid the rules

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

how can 1 love words & loathe
the manhassle of punctuation
or grammar’s arcane statutes?

the usefullness of blogging

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

what it’s done for me

stuff I’ve learned from mine.

experience reading blogs

Viral Propaganda

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

But what a brilliant idea! Think of the work the Germans and the Japanese put into getting their propaganda heard, and think of the money the U.S. government currently spends getting its propaganda out (buying newspaper stories in Iraq, creating news feeds and bribing reporters here), and this trumps them all in terms of power and low cost: viral video!

The Facts of Chuck Norris Facts

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

It seems like the Chuck Norris Facts are on their way to becoming a sensation. Like anyone, I’m curious about cultural phenomenon’s like this happen? Why Chuck Norris and not, say, Jean Claude van Damme for these jokes? Why the Macarena?

The wikipedia entry has an interesting view into the evolution of these absurd “Facts.” I see it as a combination of the fact that CN has made a long film and TV career of playing, essentially, either a low-rent Clint Eastwood or an anglicized Bruce Lee.

Big Heads, Tiny Bodies

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

First, let me says that I’ve never had anything against Lucile Ball, the I Love Lucy show or Desilu productions. But when I was a young child, stricken with the flu and allowed to lay on the couch watching TV, I distinctly remember screaming my lungs inside out when seeing the opening credit sequence for the TV show, Here’s Lucy.

Moodometer

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Depression skews your perspective on everything. A few months ago, I was so frustrated and sad that it seemed I had constantly felt that way, for months, without any relief. I knew this wasn’t true, but it felt true. As Stephen Colbert would say, there was a truthiness to it.

The Tax-Raising Fetus Killers Versus the Out-Sourcing Torture Fascists

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I was just reading a discussion thread on digg.com about a new David Lakoff book, Whose Freedom? The Battle over America’s Most Important Ideas and, as all political discourse on the Internet must, it devolved into mud slinging. Partisans calling one side “tax-raising fetus killers,” and the other side responding with “out-sourcing torture fascists,” or some such nonsense.

Forget It Jake, It's Seattle

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’m a crime film fan. This is not a crime film. The crime in this film is not a part of the plot, but rather a part of the setting.

Police Beat is about an immigrant, far from his family, struggling to deal with the complex rules of 21st century American love. His heartache is the constant foreground of this movie, displayed as internal monologue in Wolof and written as English subtitles. The criminals and victims we see provide a lurid backdrop for his despair.

Two Years of Sitting on Our Hands

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I came across an old news story at the Guardian this morning about a suppressed 2004 Pentagon report that predicts in the next 20 years, or 18 years since this report is two years old, climate change will provoke widespread rioting and the use of nuclear threats to defend dwindling food and energy supplies. Other highlights:

Rhetorical Ice Cream Question

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I met Mike in New York a couple of weeks ago for our annual baseball trip. We saw games in New York, Philadelphia, and Washington DC and rounded out the trip with museums and lots of beer and walking. I had a blast.

One of the things that annoys me about baseball games, though, is the food vendors. I never buy from them. They’re a distraction, especially when they make a sale to someone in front of you.

Floater Found at Ferry

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Whoa. This morning I read a local news blog about a dead body found floating in the water near the ferry slip. Given the number of novelists on this island, I’m sure it will get some curious pens starting…

Mantras

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

The old me, or perhaps the previous me since I’m now the old me and the former me is the young me, was not one for mantras. I have a different take on them now. They’re short, simple lessons that you have to re-teach yourself over and over again. I think of them as New Year’s resolutions, but rather than making a promise to do something, I’m making a promise to myself to know something and allow the actions to flow naturally from that knowledge. Here are the ones I’ve written down on a piece of paper and keep with me wherever I go:

The Stadium List

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I just got back from my Yankees - Phillies - Nationals trip. The House that Ruth Built has the look and feel of a minimum security prison. My buddy Mike and I have been to 10 stadiums so far (not including Dodger stadium, where we both have spent most of our lives), and here’s my ordered list of the best we’ve seen, based on sight lines, history, ammenities, and public transportation access and other cool features.

Happy Birthday Wendy

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Today is Wendy’s birthday. She would have been 33. I met her when she was 23. Blow out a candle and wish her happy birthday.

Why Gay Marriage Was No Threat in 2005

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Gay marriage was a big issue in 2004, and is starting again to be in 2006, but why was it no issue in 2005? I bet you’ve already figured out this conundrum. The answer is there were no national elections in 2005.

When a politician says that gay unions is a threat to the institution of marriage, they really mean that everything but gay unions are a threat to their majority:

It's About Time We Acted Like Adults

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0000

It’s a bit odd to go into a darkened movie theater—the scene of American escapism for the last one hundred years—to receive such a brisk wake-up call. Still, watching this movie in a theater with hundreds of strangers is, I think, the best way to view it because we are all in this together.

Considering the Memorial Day Holiday

Sat, 27 May 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Who, specifically, are we memorializing this holiday weekend? Everyone? No, that act is reserved for All Souls Day.

Memorial Day is specifically for veterans. How do we honor them? Waterskiiing, barbecues, and other early-summer fun.

It doesn’t seem right. or does it?

KEXP played “Stop the War Now” by Edwin Starr, the follow-up to the popular and frequently covered “War.” The song has a quick, cashed-in feel to it, but buried in the verses is

A Secret Shared is a Burden Lifted

Tue, 16 May 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’m a big fan of the PostSecret blog. I love it not only because it’s fascinating and lurid, but because it’s a brilliant, simple idea. Frank Warren put up an ad asking people to send in their anonymous secrets on postcards. He asks senders to be brief, legible, and creative, and to put only one secret per card. The website has become a huge hit, getting more than 3 million visitors a month. He’s also recently published the book PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives.

On losing a pet

Tue, 16 May 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Friends Bri and Tim lost their cat, Ted, the other day. He lived a long life by feline standards, but his health started failing and they had him put to rest. I am sorry for them. Losing a pet is not an easy thing.

Each time I’ve ever lost a pet, I have always had this angry thought: Why did I allow myself to get so attatched to something with such a limited lifespan? At that point, it always seems like owning a pet provides no emotional net gain, that the love and comfort provided by the pet over its life is not worth the heartache created when it dies.

Good Morning, America

Thu, 04 May 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Local and national news are all hot for the price of gas. Congress is bending over backwards to act. A guy in the local paper was boo-hooing about the cost of gassing up his Chevy Suburban. The oil companies are making sooooo much money.

Why didn’t you see this coming?

My Carbon Footprint

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I had an interesting conversation with my father-in-law this week about carbon credits. There are organizations out there that are selling credits for carbon dioxide—credits that regular people like me could and should buy.

Here’s how it works: Figure out how much CO2 you are personally responsible for. You can use a variety of calculators to help you figure this number. I used the Wired magazine Carbon Quiz to figure that my lifestyle generates 15 tons of CO2 per year.

Geography of My Childhood

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Geography of My Childhood (Detail)

This is where I grew up in Panorama City, CA. My neighborhood was bordered by Osborne St. on the north, Woodman Ave. on the east, Chase St. on the south, and Van Nuys Blvd. on the west.

The houses were built by Kaiser Steel shortly after WWII. The company also built a hospital, where I was born, just out of the lower-right corner of the picture. It was a working class neighborhood, with many families working either for the GM plant down Van Nuys or the Anheiser Busch brewery out on Roscoe Blvd.

The Future of the Human Race

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I laughed out loud in the supermarket line the other day. It startled both the checker and the guy in front of me in line. Spontaneous laughter is a public warning of mental illness.

In among the tabloids, horoscope booklets, and Slim Jims was a single book called Pregnancy for Dummies.

The Hole in the Middle of Me That Every Happy Thing Falls Into

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I went to the Mariners’ opening game yesterday. It was another first without Wendy. We’ve been invited each of the last few years by Maki and Rich, and this time I brought Hendrik with me.

During the 8th inning, though, they played Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out” over the loudspeakers, and it opened up a trap door of grief for me. You see, that was Wendy’s theme song. It was something that I could play when she was feeling really down about herself to boost her back up again. It’s the lyrics, the exuberance of the tune that would reconnect her to her own internal confidence.

The Impossibility of It All

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I met my wife nine years ago yesterday. I always expect these little anniversaries to hit me like a ton of bricks, but they always come and make me numb. Numb is good. Numb is putting one foot in front of the other, in succession, until you get somewhere. Not-numb is standing with your feet side-by-side and wondering which foot should go first.

Precognition or Déjà Vu?

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I had a conversation yesterday with Hendrik and Elise about those times when you experience something you’re sure you’ve dreamed about in the past. She had a dream scene that she saw, months later, in a movie. I had a mundane dream sequence of driving in a car with Cristian and two other people I didn’t know in a U-shaped parking lot; months later, when it happened, I almost had to pull over.

It's Like the Sky

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I started working back on maggie’s farm this last week. It was weird to be back. I feel like my name has attained a sort of grim celebrity. People kept professing to how glad there were to see me.

The hardest part was coming home from the job and not having Wendy at the ferry waiting for me. When I came around the corner, I looked to “the spot.” The spot is where she would wait for me. Often, on the ferry coming in, she would call my cell phone and tell me she was in the spot. I wanted to find her there. It hurt, but I guess it’s good that I did it anyway. Each time is bound to hurt less. I am looking at her photo now, with Luke. It’s up on my refridgerator, along with other photos of us together. I only knew her for eight years. It seemed like a lifetime. I expected it would be a lifetime. we were so happy together.

This Monster Will Find You Even Under the Bed

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

It’s getting harder and harder to find reputable scientists who dispute the dangers of global warming. It’s coming. It won’t be pretty. I just read an interview in Wired magazine of Tim Flannery, director of the South Australian Museum, biologist at the University of Adelaide, and author of the book The Weather Makers: How Man Is Changing the Climate and What It Means for Life on Earth. In it, he bemoans how all the computer models show disaster coming and yet some governments, like our own, are completely in denial of the problem. In a particularly spooky part of the interview, he describes our future:

You Will Miss the Shower Most

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

From Saturday by Ian McEwan:

He steps under the shower, a forceful cascade pumped down from the third floor. When this civilisation falls, when the Romans, whoever they are this time round, have finally left and the new dark ages begin, this will be one of the first luxuries to go. The old folk crouching by their peat fires will tell their disbelieving grandchildren of standing naked mid-winter under jet streams of hot clean water, of lozenges of scented soaps and of viscous amber and vermilion liquids they rubbed into their hair to make it glossy and more voluminous than it really was, and of thick white towels as big as togas, waiting on warming racks.

Rabbit Rabbit

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 00:00:00 +0000

When Wendy and I started living together, she insisted that we should say “rabbit rabbit” to each other as soon as we wake up on the first day of each month. She said doing so would bring us a month’s worth of good luck. I never thought, until just now, to look it up on Wikipedia. Of course, when we started this, wikipedia didn’t exist.

Our Common Life

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been taking part in a weekly discussion course called “Choices for Sustainable Living.” The workbook is filled with essays on environmental sustainability, organized under different topics, such as “Business and Industry,” “Communities,” “Food,” etc.

I was just reading an excerpt from a piece called “The Common Life” by Russell Sanders, which first appeared in Rooted in the Land: Essays on Community and Place. In that piece, I found something extraodinarily beautiful:

Creepy Presidential Graphics

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Filling Our Backgrounds With Slogans

How many of our tax dollars are used to create those slogan backdrops that sit behind the president’s every public appearance? It’s downright creepy. The guy can’t even sign a law without being photographed next to a banner that reads something like “Signing Bills Into Laws.”

That Wonderful Hypertext Experience

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Hypertext\—the format that allows you to click on links and create your own path through information—is wonderful to experience. I often take it for granted. It’s like channel-surfing while reading.

What happened to me just now was that I was reading a review of a new book about the history of religion’s influence in society called Breaking the Spell: Religion as a Natural Phenomenon. The review made reference to the recent Danish Muslim cartoon controversy and tied it to the history of Christian iconoclasm. So I looked up the history of Christian iconoclasm on Wikipedia. It’s pretty dense with history, but interesting. The article details the battle between the iconoclasts, who wanted to remove all imagery from the church, and the inconodules, who wanted to preserve icons, relics, and other visual images of Jesus and the saints.

Rang Dream

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Last night I dreamt that I walked into a room in my parent’s old house and bumped into my grandfather, who was all dressed up for St. Patrick’s Day with dark green sportcoat and a kelly green tie. He was even wearing a green bowler hat. He was happy and had a twinkle in his eye. It was strange to look him face to face and put my arm around him; he seemed so small. He was old, but healthy.

The True Story of Adam and Eve

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

What if Adam was a virus and Eve was a bacterium?

That seems to be a growing consensus of the scientific community about the origins of the nucleus. A great article in Discover magazine takes up the issue by examining the recent discovery of the Mimivirus, a virus so atypical that it makes scientists reconsider their understanding of viruses as non-living genetic machines.

The Word Bail

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Consider the word “bail.” It is a container used to empty the water from a boat, and it’s the act of emptying water from a boat. “Bailing out” is the act of jumping out of a plane, which is odd since that is practically the opposite of what one does when their boat is in distress. I suppose the phrase came to use since bailing yourself out of a plane does make the plane more buoyant.

Scale

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

This is a photo of the Sombrero galaxy, taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.

It’s tempting to look at this as a star surrounded by clouds of dust, but according to NASA, the glow in the center of the image is caused by billions of old stars and the dust swirling around is made up primarily of younger, brighter stars.

Each Death an Opportunity

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Here’s a hand-addressed personal letter I received last week:

Dear Mr. Hall

First, let me take a moment to offer my condolences on the passing of your loved one; Wendy Hall. While I know this can be a very emotionally sensitive period, I also understand you may be facing some serious decisions with which I might be able to assist you. The reason I am contacting you is often time real estate property must be sold in order to pay taxes, pay any outstanding liabilities and to pay the legitimate heirs.

Often, I buy real estate and other personal property found in estates. It is my understanding that you may have property available to purchase in the near future. If it is, I am interested in buying proerty in this area and would be interested in making you an offer. I’m sure at this time selling this property probably is not a priority for your family, but if in the future the heirs decide to sell, please call and I’ll be happy to make an offer.

While I do not know your particular situation, I am prepared to do what is best for you and the estate. Some of the advantages I may be able to offer are: 1. I can buy the property in…[blah blah blah]

First Buds of Spring

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

First Buds of Spring
Originally uploaded by Poor Yorick.

I was in the hot tub when I noticed this tree budding. I looked around at all the other trees nearby, but none of them, not even the same species, were starting to bud. Just this one little tree.

What's at Stake with Domestic Spying

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

My hat is off to Congresswoman Heather Wilson (R, New Mexico), who is calling for full investigations into the NSA domestic wiretapping scandal. She is chairwoman of the House Intelligence Subcommittee on Technical and Tactical Intelligence, a watchdog for the NSA, and she is made suspicious of this program by the lack of information coming from the administration. According to the New York Times, she is apprehensive “about whom the agency is monitoring and why.”

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I found a weird story on the Internet this morning (thanks Digg) about a new sleeping pill that will supposedly promote dreaming. Since traditional sleeping pills just knock you out, users miss the REM state where dreaming occurs. This new drug interferes with a part of the brain that deals with dreaming, addiction, feeding, and God and Science know what else. This article says that lab rats on this drug indicated higher memory capacity, improve dreaming (they can tell by brain waves and muscle tone), and it suggests the drug might help with obesity, narcolepsy, and, of course, insomnia.

Spiritual Beings

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Yesterday, I saw a bumper sticker that I really liked: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” That’s what I want to believe.

In the last week, I’ve had some perceived connections to my late wife. Sometimes it’s just a feeling of a presence, and yesterday, I feel like she told me where I had misplaced some documents. When these visitations come to me, it’s not at all spooky or eerie. It’s relieving. It’s like seeing the sun after weeks of darkness.

Watch What You Say

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I just listened to a radio story about an Muslim man who was arrested here in the United States and sentenced to 10 years for advocating that Muslims should travel to Afghanistan to fight in jihad against the Americans in the months after the September 11th attack. I don’t know how I feel about that. He was supposedly at a party when he advocated this and, supposedly, someone turned him in.

Men's Room Graffito

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Because bathroom stalls are a tiny private islands within the public space and time, men seize the opportunity to express themselves anonymously and occasionally write very funny or startling things. Mostly, though, it’s crudely sexual and/or bigoted. Women probably do, too, but I wouldn’t know that firsthand. That’s another interesting facet: restroom graffiti is writing for a gender-segregated audience.

Why It Hurts So Much

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Saturday was great, but Sunday was bad. I woke up feeling shattered, like some hand had moved my game piece back to start on the game board. I went for a five-mile walk since that usually helps, but it didn’t this time. I talked to people on the phone, I went into the hot tub.

Don't Google Al Qaeda

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000

A couple of years ago, in the heady days after 9/11 and our nation’s jingoistic response, I was reading news on the computer and got curious about Al Qaeda. I can’t remember the specifics of my curiosity, but I started to google them.

While I was trying to remember the proper spelling—my English-educated mind always wants to insert a “u” after the “Q,” but that always ends up looking like a brand of nacho cheese—my fingers suddenly froze. “Don’t google Al Qaeda,” I thought, “it will put you on a watch list somewhere.” I carefully deleted each letter from the search box and quietly closed the browser window. It was like Eric Stoltz’s character in Pulp Fiction after he hung up the phone on John Travolta, shouting, “Wrong number! Wrong number!”

The Black River of Anguish

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000


The Water’s Edge

My wife’s death, in many ways, has put me on a different side of life. It’s profoundly changed my perspective on everything and I expect that during the next several months, it will make me a much different person than I’ve ever been.

Martin Luther King

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000


I Might Not Get There With You

I don’t know what it is about this holiday—maybe it’s the proximity to New Year’s or just the impact that Dr. King had on our generation—but I’m moved to write. The nice thing about blogs, as I’ve said before, is that it helps to track your thoughts over time. I’ve written about this holiday before, here.

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000


CAPTION

I couldn’t believe it when I heard them play “Bottom of the Ocean” on the radio this morning. I hadn’t heard that song in years, and it instantly took me back. I heard it on KEXP and was impressed by them reaching so far back into the obscure past for something to play. Then I heard news of the murder.

Magical Thinking

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been having only a few magical thoughts the last few weeks. On Christmas morning, I was overwhelmed with a feeling that I didn’t want anyone to open their presents because that would somehow stop my temporal slide away from Wendy and our life together.

On New Year’s Eve, right at midnight when I was popping champagne at a friend’s house, it occurred to me that it was now the first calendar year without her, and that she died “last year.” That made me feel like something had punctured the universe, and I could see limitless black goo beyond.

Be The Change

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve logged about 700 miles of driving in the last three days and I’ve seen a lot of cars. Today I saw a license plate holder that read “Be the change you would like to see in the world.” I like it. It’s straight forward and positive. Here’s how I would like to see the world change:

Making Light of Loss

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 00:00:00 +0000


For Shame!

I’m so very angry at this president. Tonight is the last straw. We need to rise up as a nation, with torches and pitchforks, and drive this monster out of our land. Here’s why: Tonight he addressed a national TV audience and urged America to continue to back this wrong, corrupt, wasteful war. During his speech, he said this:

The Central Lie in the Iraq War

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 00:00:00 +0000


CAPTION

From a speech President Bush gave titled “Plan for Victory” to United States Naval Academy Annapolis, Maryland on November 30, 2005.

“Yet the terrorists have made it clear that Iraq is the central front in their war against humanity, and so we must recognize Iraq as the central front in the war on terror.”

Pulp Novels

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Sitting in brown paper shopping bag, somewhere in the garage of my memory

My mother was a constant reader. She still reads a lot—more than I do—but when I was a kid, she was a constant reader. She used to watch TV with a novel at her side, and would read during commercial breaks. She read pulp novels and stories exclusively: mysteries, pot boilers, fantasmagoric tales, gothic romances, and the like with breaks for magazines like Red Book, McCall’s, and Reader’s Digest. I’d rarely see her open a hard cover since they wouldn’t fit in her purse, and she couldn’t crack their spines into submission.

Tiny Tractor, Tiny Farm

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Toys for Old Boys

I went for a walk around my neighborhood yesterday and noticed a guy down the street was putting a bundle of sticks into a wagon. Well, it wasn’t really a wagon but wagon-sized trailer for a mini tractor. As I was walking past, I saw him get on top of this loud contraption, drive it about 10 feet to another part of his front yard, and start unloading the bundle of sticks.

The Sound of 40,000 Disappointments

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 00:00:00 +0000

The NLCS Game 2 bottom of the fifth was riveting. When Oswalt struck out Edmunds, you could hear the sound of 40,000 disappointments! The camera stayed on Oswalt’s face then as he trotted off the mound and I could see he was straining against a desire to pump his fist in the air. He tricked Edmunds into thinking he wouldn’t throw another fastball.

“Like Eating Pictures of Food"

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I was reading this website, where the writer explains in terms of computers and operating systems. It gets pretty technical, but I was understanding enough to follow it when I came to this sentence: sense of it.

This is like trying to eat pictures of food: it might fill you up, but it’s ultimately unsatisfying.

Projected to Live to 85

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Digg.com turned me onto to this mortality calculator, which gives you a projected life span based on several health- and lifestyle-related questions. My results were that low-end estimates say 75, high-end estimate is 92. There’s also an analysis section that tells you what you could do to extend that a little further, say 2.5 years.

The Repeated Headline: Bush Invokes Sept 11 to Defend Iraq War

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I wish I had a nickel for every time I have heard this news story in the last year.

I’m starting to think that our Dear Leader is a monomaniac. Before September 11, 2001, tax cuts were his mantra. Every problem, ever solution was tied to passing his proposed tax cuts. Jobs? Tax cuts. Tech boom? Tax cuts. California energy crisis? Tax cuts.

Reviewing 2002

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I just went back and corrected some of the code from my 2002 archives. It took me about three hours. I didn’t read all of the posts, but I read a few of them. It’s amazing to me that I have this record of my days in such a portable, readable format. That is what I think is valuable about blogs…not what they say about today, but what they will say about history. Here are two of the ones I liked most:

“Boil the Blood; It's a Good Source of Food and Salt"

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I had to kill some time yesterday in a vast retail necropolis next to the airport as I waited for my nephew’s late plane to arrive at SeaTac airport. I went into a Barnes and Noble and browsed through their bargain books. One that caught my eye was Survival: Army Field Manual No. 21-76. It was a simple, imageless paperback cover with the title in big black letters. It was cheap, too; I think $4.99. I thumbed through it and considered buying it…it could, after all, come in handy when the shit hits the fan. I decided not to buy it because I didn’t really want to live in a world where trapping and cooking rats were necessary to my survival.

Gagne is Gone!

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Game Over for Eric Gagne’s season

Eric Gagne is, or I should say was the closer for the Dodgers. He started the season on the disabled list and didn’t come back from the list until Game 35. Just now, after game 70, the Dodgers announced that Gagne will have “Tommy John surgery,” which will end his season.

I'll Try to Have More Days Like These

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Giant Robot Destroys Town

Saturday, Wendy and I went to the Fremont Solstice Parade, which made me happy and thankful that I live in such a wonderful area. The parade is basically a blue state take on the First Ammendment…with carnival food. We had a blast. We especially liked the art cars, which were adjunct to the parade. My favorite part of the parade, though, was the giant robots (see above). I also really liked the painted nude people on bikes—especially the somewhat obese ones. It was so beautiful to see someone at expressing level of freedom. I think it inspired most of the people there. Well, the smart ones, any way. There were some hecklers standing behind me, but they were young, dumb, and from out of town. They’ll come around.

My Happy Birthday Dance for Wendy

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 00:00:00 +0000


The symbol of infinity

We just got back from visiting Wendy’s parents in Cape Cod, Mass. In one of their guest bedrooms, they’ve put up a remarkable, multi-exposure photo of the moon, taken at the same time every day. It occurred to me that the image looked a lot like the symbol for infinity, with the moon’s position taking the outer edges of the figure during the solstices and crossing back over the center of the figure during the equinoxes.

The Odor of Processed Asparagus

Tue, 31 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Makes your pee smell

We’re in Massachusetts right now and asparagus is in season. Wendy’s family really likes it, so I’ve eaten it about three or four times in the last week. You may or may not know this, but eating it makes your pee smell funny.

RSVP Maybe

Sun, 29 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000

So I am supposed to be working on all different sorts of stuff, but I found this cool writing challenge. These two folks have set up a fake wedding and they’re inviting people to RSVP No with outlandish fictional excuses as to why they aren’t going to come. I submitted a decidedly more ambivalent response:

Petco Park

Fri, 20 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Mike and I went to see the Braves vs. the Padres at Petco Park on Wednesday. It’s one of the latest in the “new” ballparks, and it’s very cool. I especially like the green hill and the wiffleball diamond.

Hangover

Wed, 18 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000

We went to sleep about four hours ago. Mike and I are going to see a baseball game in San Diego today, but last night, we talked until after 5 a.m. And between us, we killed a 750ml bottle of orange-flavored rum.

Somehow, though, I’m not that hung over. Just now I went out to the lobby for some coffee, though, and it was like a commercial for hangover medicine. There were kids running and yelling, some workman with a loud pressure washer, and the bright, bright California sun.

The Bone Parade

Tue, 17 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Bone

My dog Cinder loves these. We buy them by the dozen. It’s the one thing in life she savors.

When I give her a new bone, there’s usually a long break-in period. There are all sorts of rules in her head about how, when, and where a bone can be consumed. It’s a constant puzzle for me and Wendy. She only eats them in the living room, and usually both Wendy and I have to be present for some reason. If we left her alone in her kennel with a bone, she would never touch it.

Streaming Obscenities and Flying Objects

Mon, 09 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I think I’m a pretty even-tempered guy. I don’t get violent or aggressive with people. I am patient. But two occasions can make me see red: When I lightly injure myself and when I get frustrated while working with a physical object.

Just now, we were coming back from seeing The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and I pulled the car into the garage so close on the right side that Wendy couldn’t open the door enough to get out. I went around to her side car to move some objects so she could open the door further. I picked up a bucket lid and accidentally knocked over a five pound bag of clay onto my big toe.

What Is .1 Innings?

Tue, 03 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000


Meat.

It’s when you take the mound and give up four earned runs without recording an out. The stats guys give you a .1 inning to forever screw your ERA. It’s a shame multiplyer.

That’s what Todd Williams #53, Relief Pitcher, Baltimore Orioles did to himself and, more importantly, the Occam Razors yesterday. I fell three places in the standings yesterday (I know, it’s still early)! His ERA for yesterday is 108.

It's the Fundamentalism, Stupid

Sun, 01 May 2005 00:00:00 +0000

There is no war on terrorism. It just doesn’t exist. It’s a code that means a war on Islamic Fundamentalism—that group of believers who feel that Islam is the only truth and that its truth is to be applied to everyone regardless of their will. That’s the real danger here. If you want to be a devout Muslim, fine. If you want your family to adhere to orthodox Islam, that’s fine, too. When you want Islam to be the basis for the law that governs all men, including non-Muslims, that’s unfair.

Put Your Foot in this Metal Clamp

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Wendy and I were talking last night about that weird metal clamp used in shoe stores to measure kids feet. It’s been probably 25 years since I saw one up close, but I remember them as vaguely scary and very cold.

I remembered it this morning and looked it up on Google. It’s called a Brannock Device. According to the company’s web site, it was designed in 1927 and it’s a must for all shoe retail stores since it leads to greater customer satisfaction and ultimately more sales.

The Private Information We Share

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

As soon as a parent meets me and learns that I’m married, there is always this question: Do you have any kids? On its surface, it’s an innocent question, and I don’t begrudge it when it’s asked. People ask that as a way of breaking ice, like asking what someone does for a living. It’s a networking thing, too. If the answer is yes, it is one more bond we share. Maybe our kids will play sometime.

Such a Program Could, Eventually, Literally Read Your Mind

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000


HAL 9000 is Watching You

In a way, the future is now. We have great A.I. depending on what you consider great and what you consider intelligence. The article has a primer on the history of AI, with all the hopes and fears it summons. If you’ve ever spoken to one of those robot voice mail systems, where they quote back to you what you said, you know that it’s just a matter of time before we have to deal with the HAL 9000 at the DMV.

Where Will We Be After the Oil is Gone?

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I just read an interesting story in the Guardian about the politically and scientifically difficult job of estimating world petrolium reserves. Companies and governments aren’t always completely honest about their findings, but experts predict that worldwide peak oil production—the point at which half of all known oil has been extracted—will happen some time between now and the 2020. After that, we can expect the supply to start dropping 2-3% per year.

Off Schedule

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

It’s been a tough week. I’ve been working mostly on our income taxes, which has been slow going. It’s weird to look at all of the receipts we’ve saved throughout the year. They’re sorted and stacked on our dining room table like corpses of all our dollars spent.

I still feel like I’m working at only a fraction of my productivity. It is reasonable to expect a little transition, but I hope this is the end of it. I’ve got to apply a better focus on things or else I’m not going to achieve my goals.

The Pope is Dead

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

The pope died a week ago and the news coverage is finally dying down. My friend David talked on Thursday about his views on the Pope and the Catholic church, some of which I agree with. But as the Vietnamese said after Richard Nixon’s death, “There are no enemies in death.”

Your Chances of Going to Hell: Good

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Consider your chances for going to Hell. There are ways to get there by doing things and ways to get there by not doing things in your lifetime. Each of the world’s religions that believe in Hell (or equivalent) have a different set of rules. Despite what we say to each other and to ourselves late at night, no one on Earth knows for sure which of these religions is “the one true faith” or if any of them are. Take a deep breath. You’re probably going to Hell.

Dream: My Repeat Burgler

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Last night, while we were having dinner, we turned on the TV and watched a little of a really bad Clint Eastwood movie called Absolute Power. Clint plays a jewel theif who watches the Secret Service kill a woman who was having rough sex with the President of the United States of America. Ugh. This horribly distasteful premise is supported by a sloppy plot and hare-brained writing. For example, the First Lady starts the cover-up right away and orders one of the SS agents to check the woman for evidence of sex since the Prez is too drunk to remember if he cleared all the bases. SS agent: “I’m no gynocologist.” First Lady: “I just made you one!” Ick.

“It gave off more energy in 0.2 seconds than the Sun does in 100,000 to 200,000 years."

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 00:00:00 +0000

That quote comes from a front-page article of the New York Times about a burst of energy that came from a “magnetar” neutron star. NASA revealed yesterday that this December 27, 2004, burst of energy was the brightest every recorded by instruments, but since the energy came in the form of gamma rays—a type of radiation blocked by our atmosphere—it wasn’t detectable on Earth (the blast was captured by satellites and other space craft).

Barbarians at the Gates of the Fourth Estate

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 00:00:00 +0000

There’s a great article over at the New York Times about some recent blogger-related dust-ups and it posits the question, “Have bloggers gone too far?” in lines like this, which refers to bloggers who may have pressured Eason Jordan, chief news executive at CNN, to resign after he allegedly claimed that U.S. soldiers were intentionally targeting some journalists in Iraq:

The News Story That Got Away

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Yesterday, the NY Times devoted about four column inches to a story deep inside the paper about how the U.S. Army decided not to withhold 15% of money it suspects Halliburton is overcharging them, despite the advice of its own auditors and federal rules that call for withholding in cases like these. That 15% amounts to tens of millions of dollars in this case. Why would the Army do that? I don’t know for sure, but I do know that Vice President Dick Cheney, one of the main proponents of this rushed, ill-considered war in Iraq, is the former CEO of Halliburton!

The Tortoise and the Hare

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Most of the time, I feel like I don’t have the energy to accomplish the items on my to-do list. But ever since the worst part of having the flu was over, I’ve been feeling like I didn’t have the focus to accomplish the items on my to-do list. So, today, I feel like both the tortoise and the hare, when I want to feel like the duck soaring through the race without distraction (okay, I made the duck part of the story up). Yesterday I thought it was because I went back to having coffee, but I’ve only had two cups today and I still feel this way. Combined with this cough I’m still having, it makes it hard for me to get my rest.

Feeling Punk

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Went to a Washington Lawyers for the Arts brown bag session yesterday. The theme of the session was clearing rights for movies, music, and other arts. I really appreciated what they did, but lawyers are a hard group to trust. The first guy’s presentation was basically a sales pitch for Corbis’ rights-clearing services and it was directed more toward ad agency types—none of whom, I think, were in the room. The event had a lot of specifics in it, but it confused a lot of people into thinking you had to have clearance for every single unoriginal thing you’ve put into your work. A law professor who sat near me explained afterward that the standard they were applying is meant for advertisements, not works of art. You still have to get some clearance for works of art, but not for each and every building that appears in a street scene in your movie.

The Century Project

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve decided that I want to live to be 100. That’s right, 100-years-old, which will happen for me in 2069. The Century Project is my evolving, long-term plan for how I’m going to stay mentally productive and physically independent for the next 65 years.

William Saffire, a conservative columnist for the New York Times, just retired from most of his duties at the paper yesterday. In his farewell column, he talked about the importance of never retiring. He’s going off to head a group called The Dana Foundation, a group that’s devoted to the study of the brain, immunology, and (somewhat incongruous) arts education.

Edgar Allen Poe Cryptography

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I found my way to a great site that talks about cryptography (secret messages). I got to reading about some of history’s biggest solved and unsolved ciphers and learned about three cryptographs that may or may not have been left by Edgar Allen Poe. I found it a very interesting story, but when I got to the first decrypted message, I was stopped dead in my tracks by the sheer beauty of these words:

Happy Inauguration Day Everybody!

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Our Dear Leader got another four years today. I’m not feeling so angry about it anymore. The ceremony was boring. I was only paying half-attention to it, but it seemed that during his speech, he was interrupted by some demonstrators.

The UK paper The Guardian published a story today about world opinion of Our Dear Leader and the country. Unfortunately, I can’t find the story I read this morning, but the poll of more than 20 countries found that close to 60% of the people in the survey thought that the next four years would be more dangerous because of this administration, and less than 30% thought it would be safer.

Sat, 15 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

The story about:

Wendell’s Chicken
Recording with my MP3 Player

Warning

Sat, 15 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

You won’t notice that you’ve been surrounded by robots until the last natural item in your life is gone.

A Letter Not Sent to Wired

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Regarding your story about Bill Gates referring to intellectual property reformers as communists, I think the discussion should focus first on the foundations and rationales for creating IP laws. Up until very recent history, it was economically risky to get text, music, or images in front of a large group of people. It was the job of business and government. Now, anyone can conceivably be heard for a lot less cost. Publishers, studios, and record labels still provide a service by filtering out the wheat from the chaff, but that, too, will soon be done better by the internet marketplace.

The Best I Could Do Throughout the Ages is Meticulously Catalogue My Failures

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

That’s what’s written at the top of a piece of notebook paper I found while digging through my old personal records and journals. It’s undated, in my hand, but doesn’t sound like anything I would have written. Could I have copied it from somewhere? Note the pretentious British spelling of “Catalogue,” though it might be an accidental misspelling. Here’s the rest of the page:

All Mod Cons

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I just read a story in Wired about a company that is doing wireless home automation. It inspired technolust in me. Technolust is an abstract, irrational desire wrought by new technology. If I had a wired home, I could become George Jetson.

The article even used an old phrase from post-war suburban marketing: all mod cons, which is shorthand for all modern conveniences. The Jam cleverly used the phrase as a title for an album in the late ’70s, with double entendre. “Mod” was a mid-60s fashion they were resurrecting; they were “mods.” “All Mod Cons,” therefore meant both suburban illusion and well-dressed gangsters.

I Heart Technology

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Wired reports that Tivo is launching a way to transfer TV shows from your recorder to your PC. They said that you will also be able to record programs to a DVD soon, but not in this launch of the program. That’s pretty cool and a feature that I thought would be a part of it from the beginning.

Good Morning (Afternoon) 2005

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I slept in until 9 this morning; Wendy slept to 11. We cleaned up a little, and I started roasting a turkey. It came with a huge liver, so I went online and found a recipe for paté—turned out pretty good. I haven’t heard from anyone this morning, or much from anyone this week. Did talk to Eli Eddings, who grew up in the house next door to me in Panorama City. I was close friends with his older brother, Guy, but I haven’t heard from him yet.

Goodnight 2004

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

No, we didn’t do any work today. We went for a walk, a figure-eight around the neighborhood. The sun was out. I cooked a roast. I played Xbox Live Halo 2 and died more than I killed. I pulled out the metal flask that I bought this time last year and half-filled it twice with cheap Irish whiskey. Wendy made chocolate chocolate cookies. We watched the day fade into night from the hot tub. We were going to go out tonight and listen to some live music, but we felt like staying in.

The Song of Sixpence

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Wendy and I were going to pick up her parents from the airport, when I discovered that she didn’t know what “bagging” meant. When I was in jr. high, bagging was ridiculing someone, as in “Stop bagging on me.” She probably never heard of the game “butts up,” either. That is a game that’s played by bouncing a ball against a garage door. The idea is to catch it when it comes back and throw it again. If you bobble or drop it, though, you have to run and tag the garage door before someone can pick up the ball and hit the garage door with the ball before you get there. If the ball hits before you do, you go ‘butts up,’ which means you have to stand with both hands on the garage door and the other players each get a chance to bean you in the ass with the tennis ball from about twenty paces. Local variant rules make the game even more complex.

My Birthday

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Yesterday was my birthday. I woke up at my mom’s house in Las Vegas. She had been in the hospital with pneumonia. She’s home again, but she’s weak. Hopefully the physical therapist can get her back and more stable on her feet.

Pam took me to the airport. I’m very grateful that she and Brian are now living at Mom’s house. I should make a plan to make things a bit easier on them somehow.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I resolve to write every day for a year. It can be anything…book, blog, creative…something creative.

Must spend 5 hours a week doing this

Want to write a screenplay. Updated film noir where a femme fatale falls for a man with a spotless record, only to rob him of his identity and give it to her nogoodnik boyfriend.

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Digital File Archiving

This business idea has been floating around my head for a while. Our society is ill-prepared to store and sort today’s information for the future. Unless Google has found a way to save everything that’s ever been on their servers for perpetuity, we’re going to need some serious leadership to start archiving for the future. With all of the personal electronic technology we have at our disposal, we owe it to the future who, how, and why we were.

Sunny and Cold

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

The weather has been remarkable lately. The forecast still calls for “partly cloudy” or “showers” and we have been getting full days of sun. It’s been cold, though, but sunny and cold is beautiful in its own winter-wonderland way. It’s great weather for doing yardwork. Wendy distributed a big pile of wood chips we created back in August when Aaron was here. I cut up a felled trunk (from before Aaron was here) and split and stacked some of the pieces.

Onward Christian Soldiers

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

After reading this article in the NY Times, I had a chilly premonition of a future like that described in The Handmaid’s Tale.

November 26, 2004

After Victory, Crusader Against Same-Sex Marriage Thinks Big
By JAMES DAO

WASHINGTON, Nov. 23 - The warning call came in December 1995. “Do you folks on the mainland know what is going on here?” a friend from Hawaii asked Phil Burress, an antipornography crusader from the suburbs of Cincinnati.

Mr. Burress confessed that he did not. “They’re going to legalize gay marriage here, and it’s coming your way,” the friend said, referring to a case before the Hawaii Supreme Court dealing with the right of same-sex couples to marry.

Mr. Burress, a self-described former pornography addict, had spent much of the 1990’s fighting strip clubs and X-rated bookstores. But here was something he saw as a potentially greater threat to his fundamentalist Christian beliefs and traditional family values: something he called the “gay agenda.”

| * * * “I’m building an army. We can’t just let people go back to the pews and go to sleep.” * * * |

“We saw a stepped program, a plan by gay advocates,” Mr. Burress recalled. “It would lead to homosexuality being taught in schools as equal to heterosexuality. And we saw that what they couldn’t get from legislatures they would try to get by going to court.”

And so Mr. Burress became a Paul Revere for the movement against same-sex marriage, not only sounding warnings across the land but also laying the groundwork for a church-based conservative movement that he hopes will transform Ohio politics for years to come.

By January 1996, he had helped organize a meeting of Christian conservatives where a program to combat same-sex marriage was devised. By that fall, they had persuaded Congress and President Bill Clinton to enact legislation defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

Within four years, more than 30 state legislatures had followed suit. And on Election Day this month, voters in 11 states, including Ohio, overwhelmingly passed constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage.

Mr. Burress’s organization gathered 575,000 signatures to put the Ohio measure on the ballot in fewer than 90 days, then helped turn out thousands of conservative voters on Election Day. Their support is widely viewed as having been crucial to President Bush’s narrow victory in that swing state.

“In 21 years of organizing, I’ve never seen anything like this,” Mr. Burress, 62, said in an interview. “It’s a forest fire with a 100 mile-per-hour wind behind it.”

It is easy to think of the campaign to ban same-sex marriage as a recent phenomenon, one orchestrated by prominent Christian conservatives and Republican Party officials. But the movement’s backbone is built on little-known activists like Mr. Burress, a former union organizer who has devoted the last decade of his life to stopping gay marriage.

To understand Mr. Burress’s story is to see not only where his movement has come from, but also where it may be going.

Just days after their thundering victories in the fall elections, Mr. Burress and other Christian conservative leaders met in Washington to discuss next year’s constitutional amendment battles, which will focus on about 10 states, including Arizona, Florida and Kansas. They hope those fights will be the prelude to their real goal: amending the United States Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage, which could take years.

Beyond that, Mr. Burress plans to take his grass-roots movement in Ohio to a new level, using a computer database of 1.5 million voters to build a network of Christian conservative officials, candidates and political advocates.

He envisions holding town-hall-style meetings early next year in Ohio’s 88 counties to identify issues, recruit organizers and train volunteers. With a cadre of 15 to 20 leaders in each county, he says he believes religious conservatives can be running school boards, town councils and county prosecutors’ offices across the state within a few years.

“I’m building an army,” Mr. Burress said. “We can’t just let people go back to the pews and go to sleep.”

For someone who can sound so combative, Mr. Burress comes across as anything but. Tall, with thinning gray hair, he exudes a folksy, earnest charm. But he also has an inner toughness developed from years as a union negotiator for truck drivers, and he is clearly willing to play political hardball.

Kelly J. Shackelford, president of the Free Market Foundation, a conservative group that is pushing for a marriage amendment in Texas, calls Mr. Burress one of the movement’s heroes because he went up against some of Ohio’s most powerful Republicans, including Gov. Bob Taft, who opposed the amendment.

“He had the worst of all worlds,” Mr. Shackelford said. “Even Republicans, the people you would have thought supportive, were against him. But the only people who mattered, the people, were for him.”

His opponents praise Mr. Burress for shaping issues in ways that are clear and compelling for the average voter. But they also say he distorts those issues, and they say he is closed-minded and intolerant of dissenting views, not to mention alternative ways of life.

“He is pretty frightening, because he and other spokesmen for the campaign believe that if you don’t subscribe to their view, there is something morally wrong with you,” said Alan Melamed, who managed the Ohio campaign against the constitutional amendment.

Mr. Burress disagrees with such descriptions. “I don’t have a homophobic bone in my body,” he said. “What I’m concerned about is having these things forced on our culture.”

Mr. Burress was raised on a farm in Hamilton County outside Cincinnati. He attended a small Evangelical church two and sometimes three times a week, and married a fellow parishioner when he was 18.

At 14, he said, he found a pornographic magazine on the roadside and became obsessed with seeing more. Every chance he got, he said, he drove into Cincinnati to buy, and sometimes steal, magazines or videos.

Over the next two decades, he had four daughters from two marriages. But he says his obsession with the raunchy fantasy world of pornography ruined both marriages and drove him away from religion.

“I was living a double life,” he said.

On Sept. 6, 1980 - a date he recalls as vividly as others remember birthdays or deaths - Mr. Burress attended a sermon given by his new son-in-law, the pastor at an evangelical church. The experience reawakened religious stirrings inside him and he resolved to change his life.

He said he abandoned his pornography habit, started attending church again and began volunteering at Citizens for Community Values, an antipornography group based in Cincinnati.

Within a few years, he was running the group, effectively retiring from the landscaping business and travel agency he owned. In 1998, he was married for the third time, to a woman he met at an antipornography conference.

For anyone who assumes Mr. Burress’s political plans will be a boon to all Republicans, Mr. Burress says think again.

Though he strongly supported Mr. Bush’s re-election, Mr. Burress says he is furious that powerful Republicans like Governor Taft, Attorney General Jim Petro and Senators George V. Voinovich and Mike DeWine opposed Ohio’s marriage amendment. (They asserted that the amendment would harm Ohio businesses by prohibiting employee benefits for domestic partners.)

Mr. Burress attacked those Republicans as “enablers” of what he calls the homosexual agenda, and he has vowed to run candidates against them and anyone else who opposes what he considers pro-family, antiabortion or anti-gay-rights policies.

“I’m not an R or a D,” he said. “Both parties are driven by selfishness. They are run by people who are Republican or Democrat because it benefits them or their jobs. Our movement will be built on passion, on values, on fire-in-the-belly morals.”

Crypto Nazis Deface NYT

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Wendy and I went to a local coffee place yesterday afternoon after she went to go see SpongeBob SquarePants. We sat down inside and I grabbed the Sunday NY Times front page. Inside was a story about a group of people who are trying to put names to the Jews killed in the holocaust. Accompanying the story was a photo of the people with a caption that read something like, “…these people are trying to put names to the six million Jews killed in Nazi concentration camps.”

Columbia: Cemetery Hoops

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Just saw what would have made a great picture. Kids in coats in the low afternoon sun playing basketball. Next to their court was a cemetery with huge marble markers. I had to do a doubletake to make sure the kids weren’t ghosts.

Columbia: Finished Shooting

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

We’re done with shooting, which is a big relief. Still haven’t seen a red cent beyond their deposit, but their deadline is tomorrow. If they don’t bring the check, I will turn into a gargoyle before their eyes.

Wendy’s editing the films now. I got out of the house since there was nothing for me to do. This morning we got up and went to Ernies for breakfast and then found the ERC, the [Something] Recreation Center, and went for a swim in their indoor pool. It puts our pool to shame. We invented a new game called the lazy river alligator, which is basically tag in the lazy river, which is a curving path of water with jets that go all in one direction. It was fun. We were like little kids together. They’ve got a big slide, too, but it was closed for “lap swim” when we were there. I’m now in their big, new library. It has just about everything you could ask for in a library. Though it’s no peer to the Seattle Library in terms of architecture, it’s pretty close in services. Lots of books, computers, multipupose rooms, light, and on and on…

Columbia: I [heart] Huckabees

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Wendy and I went to see this movie last night at the Ragtag Cinema in Columbia, MO last night.

Before we went in, I overheard one person ask the theater’s owner what “I Love Huckabees” was about. The owner corrected him: “I Heart Huckabees,” he said, “is difficult to explain. It’s about a young man who hires existential detectives to sort our his life.” I think it’s more about the strain of our shattered beliefs.

Columbia: Sleep Dreams

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Kickball satellite: This was a toy that someone had given me. It was a round, soft, feather-light ball with a remote control receiver. First, you would program the ball to suit your desires. You could make it track the weather for you, or spy on people from above, or bounce communications from place to place, or a few other options. Once it was set, it was your job to launch it into orbit. The makers sold a sure-fire launch kit, but that was extra (and it was for babies). The whole point of the kickball satellite was to launch it yourself with one swift, manly kick. Usually, it took a couple of tries. It weighed a little less than air and it had some tiny jets that would turn on above a certain altitude.
Star Wars Help Book: I was still working at Amazon, and had written in some great detail about some crossover Star Wars and business book. Cost Accounting for the Empire, or something like that. Someone across the country asked that I mail them a copy of what I had written. I went to Kinkos to find out how much it would cost to print it out and ship it. I was surprised and troubled when I found out it would be almost $100. The guy behind the counter said, “Why don’t you just turn this into a book. You’re most of the way there. That way, they can buy it for $20 and you can make some extra money.” The thought had not occurred to me.
L.A. Times Corn Maze: Wendy and I went to a corn maze that was owned and operated by the L.A. Times. About half-way in, we stopped at a snack bar. The guy at the table next to us was marveling out loud at all the transvestites and cross dressers in the maze, though I didn’t see any of them. He was crazy, and Wendy and I moved to another table to be farther from him. “Look! Look there!” he shouted to everyone at the snack bar as he pointed to a busload of exiting old ladies, “There’s a whole group of them.”
Retro Reality Exploits: Someone I knew as a younger man became famous, so I and our mutual friends had all become splattered by the blowback of fame. None of us minded. TV producers came to us with an idea to do a reality show about all of us, though they wanted us to pretend we were still a close-knit group of friends. Also, they wanted to set the show as a Western. And they wanted younger actors to play us at that age, but then they decided to turn the whole thing into an animated show and use our voices. For those of you keeping score at home, we were to write and voice a past-tense reality show with a completely fictionalized, historical setting. Oh, and they allowed us to choose our own character models. I chose one with a head that was three times the size of my body.

Columbia: Sore Loserman

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I’m still moping because of the election. My buddy Mike sent out an e-mail with the subject “This may be the worst day in the history of the world.” The e-mails on that thread have gone on for days. Most everyone I know is hysterical in their anger and bitterness. More news: LA Times reports that U.S. military support personnel saw Al Qaqaa being looted by Iraqis and were powerless to stop them. Also, evidence of voting irregularities are surfacing, though the media is already way past this story. I understand it. I’ve been stuck for so long between anger and fear and was counting on this election to bring relief. I just can’t believe that they won. I want to write angry letters to Fox News advertisers. I want to go to teach-ins in red state areas and bring a little knowledge to those G.D. peckerwood zombies. I want to roll over and play dead.

Columbia: Election, Hope Lost

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I couldn’t even write yesterday. I couldn’t do much of anything. I didn’t even go on a walk, which had become my routine.

Kerry lost the election. We lost the election. I lost the election.

I was so confident, so optimistic. The last four years has shown us a presidency so inept, corrupt, so…base in its dealings with the world that I thought for sure that Kerry would get at least 60% of the vote. Early news throughout the day indicated surging voter turnout, which, everyone believed, would benefit Kerry. And then, as the saying goes, defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory.

Columbia: Day 1

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

It’s strange being in a new place on election day…on this election day.

We flew in last night on Frontier, through Denver. It was warm and muggy. I collected our bags and equipment in baggage claim and Wendy got the car. I was waiting for her to pick me up when a male flight attendant tried to pick up on me. “So, are you married?” he asked.

Wow!

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 00:00:00 +0000



Jose Lima, above, David Ortiz, below.

I just watched David Ortiz win another game with the swing of his bat. That was one of the most exciting games I’ve seen since the start of the post-season. It’s up there with Jose Lima’s performance in Game 3 of the NLDS.

John Kerry for President

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Senator John Kerry goes toward the election with a base that is built more on opposition to George W. Bush than loyalty to his own candidacy. But over the last year we have come to know Mr. Kerry as more than just an alternative to the status quo. We like what we’ve seen. He has qualities that could be the basis for a great chief executive, not just a modest improvement on the incumbent.

Exploring in the Media Blackout